UNLIMITED NACHOS

Winners and Losers in wake of Lebron's decision

2010-07-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, clearly we knew nothing about Lebron. We, as sports fans, all wanted him to think like we thought. To care about what we care about. To appreciate what we appreciate.

Last night we found out the hard way, he doesn't. And you know what? As wrong as I think his decision is, I can't blame him. He's doing what he wants to do. That's the only explanation. He really, really, really, really, really, really wanted to go to Miami. He cared about going to South Beach more than he cared about the consequences of his decision. That's it. He knew people would call him a coward. He knew people would say his legacy is tarnished. He knew Cleveland would burn his jerseys. He must've. As my bro wisely put it, he just wants to kick it with his homies.

Oh well, here are the winners and losers in the wake of his decision.....

WINNERS:

Dwayne Wade: Lebron. Christopher. You just got played by D-Wade. Hard. Dwayne will go down in history as the guy that Lebron and Bosh followed to Miami. If his legacy as Miami's greatest basketball hero wasn't already cemented, it is now. Wade will ALWAYS be first let in the club, then Lebron, then maybe Bosh if they're not partying with Alonzo Mourning or Tim Hardaway.

Derrick Rose: Maybe it's just me, but listening to him talk, I don't think he actually wanted Lebron to come to Chicago. He's the undisputable cornerstone of the team that will challenge the Heat for years to come. He may be a year or two away from being one of the top 5 talents in the NBA, but he'll get there, and he won't be in Lebron's shadow.

Colt McCoy: You're the new face of/only hope for Cleveland sports and you haven't seen a down of football.

Kobe: Last night the Black Mamba became the White Knight. He's the most honorable and loyal figure in the NBA, and the only hope to slay the 3-headed dragon. He is now the favorite to win the MVP next year, and if he beats the Heat (that's a big if), his spot among the NBA's top 5 players of all time is cemented at the age of 32.

The NBA: All leagues are better with a "Superteam." People finally have a reason to follow the NBA's regular season.

LOSERS:

Winter: Everyone hates you, even Mr. Ohio.

Chris Bosh: Congrats, you're Horace Grant! You are no longer an All-Star, you're Wade and Lebron's lap dog. Today (July 9, 2010) marks the day you became an afterthought in the collective minds of every NBA fan. I hope you really, really, really like winning basketball games.

Nike: Lebron's brand is diluted. All things Lebron are now all things Miami Heat. No more puppet commercials. No more 'Witness' campaign.

Cleveland/Ohio: Here's a scenario. Carmelo, Yao, and Tony Parker take less money to team up on the Cavs next year. A noble gesture to combat the evil guys in Florida and restore hope to a broken city....In reality, it's back to ground zero. The Browns are now the best team in the state.

CAA Sports Agency: Employed by all three of the Heat dudes. Less money for Wade, Bron, and Bosh, means less money for CAA.

Lebron James, Sarah Palin or Joan of Arc

2010-07-07T17:30:00.000-07:00

With every sports journalist in the country citing their "sources," --it's easy to break the news when you claim stake to every possible scenario, Chris Broussard -- claiming to know where King James is headed. I figured I, as a sports fan, should get my two cents in.

Let me begin by saying "The Decision" is the most self-indulgent, egomaniacal move I've ever seen in sports. I have no idea how/why his PR people think this is a good idea. The fact that he has given no indication of what he's thinking/who he is considering will make his decision unforgivable in Cleveland (assuming he doesn't sign with the Cavs) and substantially more painful for the other cities he doesn't choose. And to do it all on national television, wow. He's a d-bag no matter where he chooses to go.

Lebron can do the right thing for the NBA, and more importantly for himself, or he can do the wrong thing. To me, and to every other pseudo-objective observer, the choice is clear. Stay in Cleveland.

Considering the manner in which he's handled his free agency, it is the only way to salvage his legacy, reputation, and his Lebronism. Let's examine why, by reviewing all possible scenarios (excluding Cleveland) in order of probability!!!!

New York: Ok. I get it. New York is the greatest city to live in when you're rich. By far. The idea of him in D'Antoni's run-and-gun is sexy. He's the best open court player in the league by far. Maybe ever. Not to mention a renewed Heat/Knicks rivalry would be pretty sweet. It'd be fun to watch, but if he thinks this is going to help the Lebron brand, he's very, very wrong.

Lebron thinks he's going to be Jeter. He's not. He's going to be A-rod. If he signs with Knicks, and in turn stabs Cleveland and everyone outside of New York in the back/face, he INSTANTLY becomes the most polarizing sports figure in the world. He becomes the Sarah Palin of sports. By signing with the Knicks, King James will become the hero to few and the villain to many, many, many more. From a marketing and branding standpoint, Bron will ostracize the entire Midwest and just about everyone outside of New York.

Chicago: If Lebron is sincere about his desire to win championships, this is where he'll end up. With the development of Rose and Noah (assuming Jaokim's foot heals), and the addition of Boozer, the Bulls have some serious, serious fire power. If they can't sign Lebron, and instead use that money to add a Ray Allen-type and some depth, they're probably a better team than the new-look Heat and the Knicks with Lebron anyhow.

To put it in other terms, they don't need him. Lebron clearly wants to go to a team desperate for his services. The Bulls aren't. He won't be the savior of the franchise, he won't be the guy that brought the team their first championship in years, and if you've seen Derrick Rose, play you know he may not even be the guy who takes the last shot of the game.

Miami: He'll never be the face of this franchise. He's not going to take the back seat to Wade, the guy who brought Lebron and Bosh to Miami, for the next 5 years.

New Jersey: Everyone knows he doesn't want to go to New Jersey. The only reason he'd consider it is the opportunity to play for the Brooklyn Nets. If that's truly what he wants, he'll sign a 3-year deal similar to that offered by the Nuggets to Carmelo Anthony and re-evaluate in the summer of 2013 when they're in BK.

Clippers: No need to talk about these dudes, although, assuming he didn't blow out his knee or die of scarlet fever, it'd be fun to see Kobe and Lebron share a locker.

THE DAY AFTER THE HANGOVER

2009-10-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

WE PARTY AGAIN

DEVASTATION

2009-10-20T09:30:00.001-07:00

I have no words today. All i have is this.

5 Reasons to be Pessimistic

2009-10-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

1) After watching these Phillies pull out an unlikely, dodger-esque, comeback with 2 outs, it's safe to say that they've got the playoff mojo.

2) Andre Ethier vs Lefties. Andre is gonna get a heavy dose of left handed pitching with Cliff Lee and Hamels going in games 1 and 2. On the season, Ethier batted .194 with 6 home runs and 25 RBIs in 165 at bats against Lefties. Dre was one of the catalysts against the Cards, batting .500 (6-for-12) and hitting 2 boombas. If the Philly lefties can bring him back to earth, the Dogs could be in trouble.

3) The National League has had four NLCS rematches in its history, and only once has the team that lost the first time, won the second time around. Details can be found here.

4) Cole Hamels loves pitching in LA. We all know about the playoffs last year, but in his only start in LA during the regular season, the girly man pitched a complete game shut out, striking out 5 and not walking a single batter. The San Diego native has a career ERA of 1.13 at Dodger Stadium, and has held the Dogs to an abysmal .182 average at the Ravine.

5) Chase Utley also loves playing in LA. In 21 games, the former UCLA standout has hit .354 with 5 bombs, 15 RBIs, and 19 runs at the Chavez Ravine.

5 Reasons to be Optimistic

2009-10-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

Just saw an interesting poll on ESPN where 30% of people WANTED to see the Angels win the world series (Yankees 27%, Dogs 25%, and Phillies 18%). I, for one, didn't realize anyone likes the Angels. Maybe this is the result of a bitter Red Sox nation, or maybe people want to see them do it for Adenhart. Either way, I was caught off guard a little by that stat.

Also, 57% of Californians are more interested in the Yankees/Angels series than the Dogs/Phils...hmmmmm

As for the our upcoming Showdown, here are a 5 things that make me confident we can win this:

1) We only have to beat EITHER Hamels or Lee once. If we can sweep the back of their rotation-- a totally feasible scenario--we'd only have to win one other game. I'm assuming that both Lee and Hamels will pitch two games in the series.

2) We're not gonna get bullied around this year. Last year when things got chippy the Dogs stuck their tails between their legs. This year we have much more pitching depth, the toughest catcher in the majors, crazy Padilla, and a swagger we didn't have last year.

3) James Loney and Jim Thome. Loney absolutely owned the Phils this year, hitting .393 with 2 bombs, 11 hits, and 17 total bases in 7 games. Add a potent JL to a lineup that is already gelling, and I smell upset. Also, I'm still convinced Thome's going to come up big at some point in the playoffs.

4) George Sherrill and Hong Chih-Kuo. The best set up-man and situational left-hander in the majors. Kuo's career numbers against the Phillies: 8.1 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 3 BB.

5) Wolf/Kershaw in games one and two. The Phillies have scored half as many runs- and batted 30 points lower- against lefties. The crowd is gonna be amped up, Hamels just had a baby, and Cliff Lee is a nerd. If we can beat one of their two big guns in LA we're going to be in great shape. If we beat both, the series is over.

5b) You know Bud Selig wants a Dodgers vs. Yankees World Series. Maybe we get a few calls?

5c) Hiroki Kuroda is back in the mix. Dude is typically lights out against the Phillies. Career stats: 3 G, 19 innings, 17 Ks, 5BB, 0.95 ERA

5d) Vin Scully

5f) Lidge vs Manny in the ninth. Lidge poops his pants, and Manny hits a bomb.

Bums vs. Phils: Tale of The Tape

2009-10-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

Ok my wondrous bunch of Dodger enthusiasts, let's embark on our journey toward the Bronx to face the mighty (over-paid and flaccid) Yankees.

Next Stop: PHILLY!

Let's break this one down, position-by-position, including several intangibles, and see who has the advantage in this series (or at least as I see it).

CATCHER: Russ J. C. R. T. Q. Martin vs. Carlos Ruiz.

Winner: MARTIN – This one is a no-brainer. While Ruiz is an excellent catcher with an above-average arm and the ability to get on base, Russ is simply the best game-manager in MLB. Even the great Greg Maddux declared his unflinching love for the kid. Russ has taken a young, sporadic, inexperienced staff (Wolf has one career playoff start), and led them to the lowest team-ERA in the league. Russ is incredible defensively, a leader in the clubhouse, and is still REALLLLLYYYYYY due for massive hit.

1B: James Loney vs. Ryan Howard

Winner: HOWARD – Loney is a gold-glover with a nice consistent bat but this one was easy as well. Howard is a premier game-changer, with unmatched power. Howard is always a threat and has the strength to hit the ball out of the park in any direction.

2B: O-Dog/Ronnie vs. Utley

Winner: UTLEY – As much as I despise this guido, slick-rick d-bag, utley is perhaps the league's best 2Bman. The dude can straight rake and has a dependable glove as well. As for Dodgers, our all-star 2Bman, the O-dog, is now benched, so, yeah, this one goes to Philly as well.

3B: Lumberjack vs. Feliz

Winner: CASEY AT BAT – The Lumberjack gets the nod here by a long-shot. Casey is the silent assassin, the bums’ clubhouse leader, and a calm presence on the field and at the plate. His smooth walk in Game 2 of the NLDS kept the game-winning rally alive and his glove work on the field has been rock-solid. Feliz is an ex-giant with a vulva the size of an apple. The Beard takes the cake here easily.

SS: Raffy vs. Rollins

Winner: RAFFY – I know what you’re thinking…. Wow! No Way! Well, YES WAY!! I take Raffy here simply based on current form. While Jimmy was the MLB MVP just a few seasons ago, his ability to get on base has regressed quicker than the popularity of Creed. Meanwhile, Raffy is playing out of his mind, literally getting on base 2-3 times/game. He has been the catalyst for this team since September 1 and matched with his arm, his switch-hitting ability, his potbelly, the fact that he is my favorite player, and Rollins’ season-long slump, I give the slight edge to the Dodgers here (am I just bitter that I had Rollins in fantasy baseball and he stunk, maybe, but I digress)

RF: Andre the TacoMan vs. JaYson Werth

Winner: WERTH – This is the tightest race and the closest matchup (and perhaps the most critical matchup) in the series. Both players had breakout seasons, with JaYson (what’s with the Y werth) making an all-star appearance. Both players bat early in the lineup and have had some very clutch hits throughout the season. Both have been hot recently as well. I gave Werth the nod because he is a much bigger threat on the basepath, with 20+ SBs this season, and has a slight edge in the field (great range and a devastating arm to gun out baserunners). While Werth has the edge here, i believe that the outcome of the series might hinge on whichever of these two young-guns makes more big plays (both at the plate and in the field)

CF: The Bison vs. Victorino

Winner: KEMP – this one was easy. Victorino is a solid ballplayer and the type of guy that all great teams need and have, but when push comes to shove, nobody has more raw talent in this league than matt kemp. I mean that. He needs to channel it, but the kid is basically still a basketball player and is already turning heads in this baseball league. He is Griffey-esque in CF with speed and power at the plate. Now he needs to hang with Manny and watch some film and get out of his 98-strikeout-in-a-row slump and show up and batter the phils in the NLCS.

LF: Manny Being Manny vs. Raul (I took just as much roids as Manny) Ibanez

Winner: MANNY – Really? I need to explain this one? A very nice season for Raul (although he stunk 2nd-half, like Manny) but this is a joke of a matchup. Manny is heating up and look for the big guy to play a key role for the Bums in this NLCS.

BENCH: Dodgers or Philles

Winner: DODGERS – The Bums are sporting what might be the most complete bench in playoff history. Hall-of-fame slugger Thome is always a threat and rocked the ill ski googles during the champagne celebration, Juan-For-Four has been excellent and is our speed man, Loretta is the NLDS magic-maker, Ausmus is the veteran presence, the O-dog is a an all-star and gold glover for defense, and Castro is serviceable and talks to Manny. As for the Phils, Bako? Stairs (ugh the HR last yr)? Francisco? Cairo? Bruntlett? Ok, you get the point… Bums all the way here.

BULLPEN (non-closers): Bums vs. Phillies

Winner: DODGERS, easy. MLB’s-best ERA matched with an epic performance in round 1 vs the Cardinals. Between my father’s crush Belisario, Kuo, Troncoso, Mota (celebration MVP), and Sherrill the Postman, there might not be a deeper set-up arsenal in the league. Match that with Garland, DREAM WEAVER (came up HUGE vs the redbirds), perhaps Kuroda/Bills as long-men if we need them, this category is all bums by a longshot. Phils have some nice arms in Park (remember him!), Eyre, Madsen, Romero, Myers, and Happ, but the Bums are in a different class here.

CLOSER: Brox the Ox vs. Brad (Pujols Dinger still flyin’) Lidge

Winner: BROXTON – not even close again. Yes, Lidge was absolutely lights out… LAST YEAR! Yes, Lidge did not blow a single save… LAST YEAR! This year, Lidge has been an absolute nightmare. He led the league in blown-saves, lost his job on several occasions, had very few games where he threw a clean inning, and basically had his confidence shattered time and time again. Meanwhile, Brox has been the ox that we say he is. If the only question mark here was inexperience, then Brox answered those calls with his massive outings against Fat Albert and Co. in the NLDS.

STARTING ROTATION: Wolfman / Kershawshank Redemption / Vincente the Axeman / Bills(?) vs. Lee / Hamels / Pedro / Blanton

Winner: PHILLIES – I waffled on this one for a bit, but I will explain myself. To begin, I love the Bums’ staff right now. The Phils are a lefty-loaded team and the dodgers will throw 2 lefties in wolf and kersh at them right out of the gate. I believe in wolf, especially after watching his postgame interview in STL, and I anticipate a solid start out of him. We all know that I have a massive man-crush on Kershaw and I still truly believe his left arm is the answer to world peace. This kid is electric and his facial hair is unexplainably patchy. Padilla was the Bums’ NLDS MVP, with a career-best outing, deservingly earning an NLCS start. I also believe Bills, if called upon, will step up to the rubber and dish (even though the Phils battered him last year). Another person to keep an eye on is Kuroda, whose sushi-therapy is going well and might return for the NLCS. But, all that said, I still give the nod to the Phils for two reasons: 1) experience, Hamels was the playoff mvp last year and we all know what pedro of the past has done in the playoffs. More recently, Lee has been untouchable. 2) history, just last season in the NLCS, the bums couldn’t even see the ball vs. hamels, and Blanton pitched very nicely against us as well. I think we have the arms and talent to keep up with the phils, and the bats to smack em around. Blanton kind of stinks, pedro is aging, hamels has not been himself, and lee must be tiring a bit after his long outings vs the rockies, but until the game is played, I give the slight edge to the phils

MANAGER: Torre vs. Manuel

Winner: TORRE – Ha. I watch A LOT of baseball… a lot of sports for that matter, and I have NEVER, I repeat NEVER (short of Coach James Bond in my Pee Wee A State Championship hockey game, leaving Reid and I out on the ice for the last 6 minutes of the game in our heroic victory) seen a Coaching Clinic quite like the one Torre put on in the NLDS. And remember, his opponent was hall-of-famer Tony (Mr. DUI) La Russa. Torre had all the right hunches, made all the right calls, and simply led the Bums straight through a scary bunch of cardinals. An epic display of baseball wisdom by Ole Torre. Philly’s Manuel is a wonderful manager and a winner as well, more recently than Joe, but who would you rather have than Torre guiding your team in October? Exactly.

HOMEFIELD: Chavez Ravine vs. Stinkadelphia

Winner: LOS ANGELES – Last year, the Dodgers went down a few games in Philly and this series was all but over. However, hard work and 95 wins puts the Bums at home with Grandpa Vin this year to start the series, and this is a notable and obvious advantage for the Dodgers.

INTANGIBLES: Dodgers vs. Phillies

Winner: DODGERS – Now this is a category that I would be remiss to pass over. Let’s think about what’s going on right now with the Bums, shall we, and breakdown why the Dodgers simply have the MOJO WORKIN: 1) Grandpa Vin announces this year that he is retiring after one more season (DO IT FOR VIN!); 2) even though the Bums won an NL-leading 95 games, we are underdogs repeatedly, and everyone loves to play as an underdog; 3) things that just don’t happen to dodgers are happening, like Ethier leading the league in walk-off hits, Loretta stepping up to ice the game after Holliday took it in the junk, Torre making correct, game-changing decisions (instead of Tracy’s and Grady Little’s awful shenanigans as dodger skippers), and players not blowing up and striking out after bad calls, but fighting through at-bats to get on base; 4) FUN! We are simply having fun! Did you see the videos of the celebration? These dudes LOVE one another, they love being Dodgers, and they play for the fans. They know that there is a lot of work to be done, trust me, torre and Lasorda will not let them forget that, but these dodgers have the “IT-FACTOR” that winning teams display; 5) Larry Bowa. C’mon, the most intense dude on the planet. As my little bro calls it, “FIRE IN THE EYES!” If he has to, I feel like Bowa would take an extra-inning at-bat, this guy is hungry, and so are the Dodgers. MOJO to the Bums!

So let’s tally up:

DODGERS: 11

Phillies: 4

Looks like the Tale of The Tape has spoken. Dodgers it is.

LET’S DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bums in 6.

VICENTE, WHO ARE YOU

2009-10-10T14:15:00.001-07:00

Vicente Padilla hails from Chinandega, Nicaragua.

The region around Chinandega produces mostly agricultural products, particularly oils, flour, peanuts, shrimp, sugarcane, with sugar mills in Chichigalpa and El Viejo - wikipedia

he was the closer for the bronze medal-winning Nicaraguan national team during the 1998 baseball world cup.

On July 22, 2009, Padilla tested positive for Swine Flu, and was believed to be the first major U.S. athlete to catch the disease - wikipedia

he made the all star team in 2002. this is Vicente's tenth season in the majors. career record of 98-85. career ERA 4.33.

all of this is irrelevant. except the part about swine flu.

10 Observations from Game 1

2009-10-07T21:53:00.001-07:00

Let me begin by saying YES YES YES YES YES YES YES WE CAN!!!!!!! HUGE WIN!!! Real deal baby.

1) Any questions about Joe Torre's ability to handle a pitching staff/bullpen in the playoffs are just silly. Torre is omniscient, and he's a baseball God.

2) Russell Martin's knack for making the right pitch selection is grossly underrated. I'm thinking specifically about the Glaus, Pujols and Holliday at bats. He is a huge reason our pitching has had so much success this year. Kudos to Colleti for not trading him during the Halladay hoopla.

3) Troy Glaus' swing, which was once the prettiest of any right hander in the bigs, is not what it used to be. If they weren't playing the Dodgers this would make me sad.

4) I wonder if basketball players would spit as much as baseball players if they played outdoors.

5) Those Schwab commercials are not, and never were, cool.

6) Busch Light is the worst beer in the world.

7) Casey Blake and Raffy Furcal= keys to Dodger success. They're both going to see good pitches throughout the playoffs. If they're hitting like they did tonight, we're in great shape.

8) The Cardinals have more barbarosas (red beards) in their bullpen than any team I've ever seen.

9) Don Mattingly deserves a Managerial job. Here's to hoping he takes the reigns after Torre calls it quits--the Dodgers should hang on to him.

10) Orlando Hudson is a true professional and I love him.

10a) What is Molina kissing on his necklace?

10b) Maybe I'm not supposed to say anything good about the Cards, but Brendan Ryan's disgustache is the finest I've ever seen, and I have the upmost respect for him. That is what baseball players should look like.

OTHER LEGEND

2009-10-07T09:55:00.000-07:00

LEGEND

2009-10-07T08:57:00.001-07:00

Wahoooooobastank

2009-10-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

First, let me begin by touching on a few non-Dodger tidbits.

A) We may have seen Ken Griffey Jr. for the last time and no one is talking about it. He single handedly made baseball relevant in one of baseball's best cities (Seattle), and was the face of the MLB for quite some time. He's the Willy Mays of our generation, and one of baseball's top 20 players ever.

B) Ron Gardenhire is the best manager in the MLB, and the Twins are the most over-looked and under-appreciated franchise in all of sports. Every year Gardenhire takes a different group of no-names and makes them playoff contenders. They lose Johan Santana, no problem. They lose Tori Hunter, no problem. They're probably gonna lose Joe Mauer to the Sox or Yanks, and I'm sure they'll bounce right back. The small market Twins have been overshadowed by the Moneyball A's, but have had just as much, if not more, success than them. I'm not sure who their GM is, but the dude should write a book and de-thrown Billy Beane as baseball guru to the outside world.

C) People have been on the Dodgers for ending the season playing mediocre ball but don't forget the Cards finished the season 2-8 in their final 10 games.

I digress......

With the NLDS looming tomorrow, no one seems to be talking about what I think might decide the series--the benches. I know, I know it seems like an afterthought, and quite frankly it would be if both of these teams didn't have impact players riding the pine. But every year there's a Matt Stairs, Dave Roberts, or Aaron Boone who changes the course of the series and this year it very well might come from the Cardinals or Dodgers.

Statistically, the Dodgers have the best bench in baseball. Juan Pierre is arguably the Dodgers' MVP this year after stepping up and playing out of his dome while Manny was preggers. Could he be what Dave Roberts was to the Red Sox in 2004? Perchance. We also have future Hall of Famer and playoff seasoned Jim Thome. He has 17 career post season home runs, but a .227 playoff average. Could he be our Matt Stairs? Why not. Lastly we have former Gold Glovers and current Jews Doug Mientkievicz and Brad Ausmus who both could see the field in the late innings.

The Cards will have either Rick Ankiel or Colby Rasmus (whomever doesn't start), Troy Glaus, and former Dodger greats Julio 'How the hell am I still in the league' Lugo and Joey 'Ballgame' Thurston. None of them are particularly scary on paper, but neither was Matt Stairs or Aaron Boone.

Off to watch the Twins game.

Holy Bandito!

2009-10-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

[Editor's Note: Sean is maybe the biggest Dodgers fan I know. His dogs are all named Johnny Podres and his dad really wanted to name his sister Delino. He has a lot to offer Dodger nation. So here he is. Hope you enjoy.]

An insightful posting often commences with a flavorful quote by a world leader, a famed author, or a grungy rockstar.

Well, folks, I provide you with this, a pungent line uttered by none other than the sagacious Jose Lima: “LimaTime is halfway between a parakeet lost in a marijuana field and Margaritaville.” (Lima actually said this about himself, what a stud)

Now, I presume you’re asking yourself, why the hell are we talking about Lima Time? Well, the last time the Bums faced the Cardinals in the NLDS, it was 2004, and Jose Lima displayed his manly, genital-herpes driven talents by offering a memorable CG Shutout for the Bums victory. Sam and I sat in his beer-stained living room and emotionally connected with Jose as he forever changed our lives.

The connection between Lima Time and the 2009 Dodgers is striking. In 2004, it was Jose’s kookiness, wackiness, herpes, and emotion that fueled his success. Well, folks, this Dodgers team, to me, has a similar vibe.

Last night, I told Sam that I truly believed that we were going to beat the Cards. Not just my biased subjective feelings, but my honest gut feelings, those that originate deep in my inner cockles. I know the Bums have struggled of late, but I love our blend of veteranship, goofiness, innocence, and grit. This club exudes all that is Lima Time. And Kim Ng has two letters (no vowels) in her last name.

Between Joseph Torre, Bradley Ausmus, Juanathan Castro, and James Thome, our managerial staff is loaded, and Jason Repko is always available to run full speed into a wall (please note, Repko will not be on the active playoff roster).

Meanwhile, Raffy and Manny channel the energy of Fernando-Mania while Larry Bowa is a clear descendant of Lima Time. These two fine gentlemen, in my opinion, will serve as the X-factors (cliché, ugh) in the 2009 NLDS. The Cards produce a ton of ground-balls, thus creating a plethora of double-play oppurtunities. Further, Yadier Molina has the strongest cannon in the league (I’ve always wanted somebody to describe me as having the strongest cannon in something) and can snipe base-stealers with the best of ‘em. That being said, Raffy needs to get on base early and often and run the bases intelligently. Manny needs to elevate the ball and move runners over and in. I wouldn’t be surprised to see a number of Juan-For-Four Pierre cameos in this series, as his speed will be Wanted in this series like a bad bad man in the wild wild west.

Further, the lumberjack, Casey Blake, is our silent assassin, a man who I see chopping the legs out from under the Cards, perhaps with a late-inning bloop single in Game 2. While we are on the subject, how much would you be willing to bet that Casey Blake is direct relative of Robert E. Lee. I have a funny feeling about this, just take my word.

Our infield duo of Ronnie and the O-Dog is as solid as they come. I am uncertain as to who will start, although I’d give the nod to Orlando. Defense is of the foremost importance in the playoffs, and the O-Dog’s glove is bright gold. Ronnie can provide a nice spark off the bench, and a slice of pepperoni pizza.

Russell J. Coltrane Martin. It’s Go Time, buddy. Get your F*&^ing head out of you’re A$$ and play some bleepin’ baseball. Enough is enough. Be the leader you yearn to be. If you do, I promise Paris Hilton will sleep with you.

Matt Kemp, the future centerfielder for the NY Yankees when Steinbrenner throws a $200-million dollar contract at his face, is going to have Carlos Beltran-esque breakout in these playoffs. The man is primed for an explosion and his raw talent is unmatched in Major League Baseball. I love this man. I really do. I have even forgiven him for not giving me a baseball 2 summers ago during BP at a Bums/Rockies game in Denver. I forgive you Matt. I am sorry. Now please go hit 8 home runs. Thank you.

Andre, oh Andre. You are the spark that makes the roller-coaster in my heart run. You are the conductor of the Dodger magic. You hold the keys buster, now embrace that role. How do you have like 39 walk-off hits and then hit like .073 to end the season? Are you blogging about tacos too much and not watching film? Which Andre is going to show up for the NLDS? Look Andre, I know you were traded for Milton Bradley, thus creating massive shoes for you to fill, but move past this, man. You are an individual Andre, and a strikingly handsome one at that. Believe in your talent Andre, I know I do. Because if you continue to stink, Juan-For-Four will gladly hit triples in your honor.

As for the pitching…DREAMMMMM WEAVERRRRRRRRR! My dearest Dodgers buddies know that I have a soft spot in my rapidly-beating heart for Jeffrey. But this postseason belongs to a younger lad. I man whose attempt at a beard rivals Sam Brand circa 7th grade. A man whose left arm might eventually have a direct correlation to the solution for peace in Israel. Yes, I am talking about Matt Stafford’s best friend, Clayton Kershaw. Clayton, your performance on Saturday, in a must-win situation, brought tears to my eyes (and prompted my to buy a bottle of champagne at a dive bar to celebrate; it might have been the first bottle of champagne ever ordered at that place). Your stuff is nearing unhittable Mr. Kershaw, now go out there and deal. The Wolfman’s Brother, C-Bills, Garlandio, and Vincente Olmedo Padilla are there to support you pal (by throwing at Fat Albert’s head), so don’t hold back. Destiny awaits.

Between Broxilicious, Georgie the Mailman, Old McDonald Had a Farm, Jet Li Kuo, Ramon Martinez Troncoso, Baracuda Belisario, and Dreammmmm Weaverrrrrr, our bullpen is quite saucy, and not a huge concern of mine. If need be, Mark Loretta can always pitch a frame.

So there you have it Banditos of the Bums…Rally the troops. Break out the lucky jockstraps. Grow the moustaches. Feed the lucky cactus. It’s time to BOOGIE.

IT’S LIMA TIME!!!

Dodgers in 4.

NOT SURE IF YOU NOTICED

2009-10-05T23:12:00.000-07:00

we made the playoffs. two years in a row. joe torre doesnt lose. really, he refuses. im not positive he sticks his fingers in personnel decisions at the minor minor league level, but hes there. looking over, dominating your overview with a mentality of success.

and thats in large part how we did it again. because we're from la, and we play against sd, and sf and the widespread beautiful sunflower seed state of kansas/colorado. we have no excuse. and torre was brought to us to manifest that destiny of statistical success.

we did it this year. we finished with the top team batting avg in the NL (.270). We finished with the top ERA of all major league teams (3.41). btw, wow. thats kinda a big deal. i feel like we've been on the verge of that for years, yet some other NL West teams sneaks in and takes the title.

The Dodgers kinda fucked shit up statistically after 162 games. Kemp only got 101 RBI, but Im having a hard time remembering when we had two players who kicked so much ass.

and we're not talking about the mound. or the legend who's just now picking up his game. i saw manny enthusiastically wave in a runner from third, eyebrows raised, eyes wide, hey i dont have any faith in myself. manny was lost, average, just somebody else in uniform, on the orioles, or who knows, an overpaid legend waiting for the guy on third to touch home on a passed ball. i saw it. game 160. unlike him. as were the 4 Ks he had that game. But word is he's hitting line drives to right field (bill simmons twitter says thats the first step towards busting out) . Sean says we gotta believe. So i'm gonna do that.

Wednesday night. welcome back to the playoffs.

I have a couple enduring memories of the playoffs. One of them involves Jose Lima, herpes (not mine), the Cardinals, and skipping class, watching the game and getting my CompLit grade reduced by a third for not showing up. I guess it was worth it. I'm making millions now. OK, not true. But who cares. lets just get into the second round and then talk about whatever's beyond.

Yowahs

2009-10-02T08:26:00.001-07:00

1) Just watched Chicago get axed in the first round of the Olympic committee's voting. Way to go Oprah and Mr. Prez-- crushing my dreams of smooching Nastia Lukin. Oh well, on to bigger and bluer things.

2) Biggest series of the year starts tonight. How awesome would a sweep be? Just saying. How not awesome would getting swept be? Just saying. We're 12-3 on the year against the Rockies, but the Rocks are gelling and we're playing like the Isatopes. We'll send Wolf to the mound tonight--essentially cementing his spot as our #1 in the playoff rotation--Kershaw tomorrow, and Kuroda or Billingsly in game three. For me, this series is a HUGE indicator of how we're going to to fare in the playoffs and who's gonna pitch in the playoffs. Chavez Ravine is gonna be crazy, both teams are gonna be hyped, and Jim Tracy and Joe Torre both might even get off the bench DURING the game.

Gosh Darn Zaragoza

2009-10-02T01:49:00.000-07:00

OK, Dave. I really wanted to write about the Dodgers. its a special time for them and the people deserve it. but i just can't compete with your knowledge. So i'm gonna write about some tacos. Close enough, no?

Zaragoza. It's a city in Spain and a shitty Mexican deli in the East Village. I don't know which serves better tacos, but I'm gonna guess the deli since Spain doesn't really do tacos. So fuck Spain. (love ur art and ur women, but sry, this time.)

This is pretty much the only place in NYC that I will watch a dude zap my food in a microwave and not give a shit. Try that at an authentic ramen joint or a burger joint and i will seriously leave and throw feces at you. It's happened before.

But Zaragoza. this little gem on Ave. A and 13 St. This place serves GOAT tacos. for real yo. El Cabrito in Acapulco has a flaming goat on a spit in the lobby, and that shits good too. But Zaragoza is just like eat my goat tacos. They're seriously delicious. Ask Jonny.

They also have carne asada and chicken and, if you're smart you'll order the pork (maybe that's all you'll order, if you're smart), and you can sit back with a 24 oz. Dos Equis, wait for the cashier/waiter to forget your rice and beans, and just love that you're not spending $60 at Mercadito across the street. This place will fill you up and if you're not a pussy you won't shit yourself.

This place really is good. And it's a mexican market. If I knew how to cook the real authentic shit like goat goat goat and chile relleno (filled with squid), i would prob buy my spices here. But I'm white as shit and i like cooking pasta and ramen and quesadillas. So i'll just come here for the tacos when i feel a lil crazy. I very often do.

C'mon Bros

2009-09-30T17:16:00.000-07:00

With all this jibber jabber about our inconsistent and unreliable rotation, the media is failing to address the real concern for the Dodgers if we hope to make a playoff run: our hitting. Sure on paper we look like an offensive juggernaut--highest batting avg. in the majors, most runs in the National Leage-- but Ethier has just one hit in his last 27 at bats, Manny is hitting like boy-band Manny, and the Dogs have averaged around 3 runs facing Washington, Pittsburgh and San Diego scrubs.

Let's face it, come playoff time the season statistics and records really don't matter. It comes down to who's the hottest team. Last year the Phillies entered the playoffs after an 11-3 stretch. In 2007, the Rockies cruised to the World Series riding their 20 something game regular season winning streak. It's because of this that we see Wild Card teams go on a "miraculous" runs to the world series (Tampa Bay Rays, Rockies, Florida Marlins, 2004 Red Sox). These teams are generally fighting to get into the playoffs up to the last game of the season and are on top of their game when they finally get there.

Furthermore and henceforth, in order for the Dodgers to make a run deep into October we really need Ethier, Manny and crew to pick up their game BEFORE we get to the playoffs. Torre should not rest these guys. Get our starters--specifically Ethier, Manny and Russ--as many at-bats as possible. Our pitching staff, Billingsly included, has been kicking ass as of late and I would bet my bottom dollar they'll be excellent in the playoffs. Our offense will be the difference between a first round ousting or a run to the series.

Jason, Jason, Jason

2009-09-29T13:40:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, it's been a while.

I just came across this article by Jason Stark. To summarize it briefly, Stark ranks potential postseason rotations from best to worst, one through nine. Ahead of the Dodgers are: the Red Sox, Cardinals, Phillies, Yankees, Angels, Tigers and Rockies. I understand putting the Sox, Cards, and even the and Yankees ahead of us, but this is downright ignaaaant.

The Dogs have had the best ERA in the bigs virtually all year, and their starters have the best combined ERA of any of these nine teams. Homie should stop worrying about the order, and start considering the rotation as a whole. Personally, I would feel more comfortable pitching Billingsly (who Stark doesn't even have etched in the rotation) in a must win over Joel Pinero, Scott Kazmir, Rick Porcello, Joe Blanton and Jason Marquis--all players who Stark has at the 3 for teams ranked above the Dodgers. Give me any of our 5--I'm assuming Garland will be in the pen despite his playoff experience-- over Nate Robertson, Pedro, Ervin Santana, Chad Gaudin, or Kyle Lohse.

Our rotation's potentially scary, and even if Bills and Kershaw don't regain their first-half form, we have very good starters waiting in the pen. Garland has a 1.91 ERA since joining the Dogs, and a 2.25 career playoff ERA, Padilla hasn't lost as a dodger, has gone 5+ innings in every start and knows the Phillies after playing for them from 2001-2005, and Billingsly is an all-star innings eater who, when on his game, is a top 10 pitcher in the bigs. Pretty solid "fall backs" if you ask me.

Personally, I think we'll wind up with a four man rotation of Wolf, Kershaw, Kuroda, and Bills. Having all these arms will only help. When the Phils throw Cliff Lee at us on 3-days rest we'll counter with a fully rested Wolf or Kershaw. The more quality arms the better as far as I'm concerned.

Look for Bills to bring his A-game tonight at San Diego. If his A-game isn't good enough for the W, then maybe he's not ready for the playoff rotation.

Kobe Sits in the Unlimited Nachos Seats

2009-09-29T11:10:00.001-07:00

Stud

2009-09-15T23:15:00.000-07:00

30 home runs
98 RBI
6 walk-off hits
5 games up in the division

Hello Jim, Hello Jon

2009-08-31T21:34:00.001-07:00

Scully announced just moments ago that the Dodgers have acquired over-the-hill slugger Jim Thome. A player to be announced will be shipped to the White Sox in return, tho probably not Ronnie Belliard, who hit a home run tonight and remains overwhelmingly unwanted by every team in the bigs. One day in the mid '90s Uncle Fun Richie and I caught the Indians at Yankee Stadium and Thome signed a ball for me. I have no idea where that ball is now, but Thome has occupied a special place in my heart ever since. He's sorta the Vin Baker of baseball for me, except instead of booze, Thome's drug of choice is HGH, and instead of Sam Cassell, Thome had Carlos Baerga. Really, there's no reason to dislike the move by the Dogs. We now own 8% of the 500 HR club, and 17% of the most protruding chins in baseball. The only down side is that we'll now have to move to the AL west to accommodate our venerable DH. Either that or make it to the World Series. I'll take the latter.

In other late-breaking news, we also obtained the rights to Jon Garland, again for a player to be named later. With his 1 World Series win added to our pen, we've now doubled our team total (Dream Weaver has 1). Be afraid MLB.

Observations - August 20 (Cubs Must Die)

2009-08-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

Game 122 on WGN. The first game I've caught in full since Verizon accidentally killed my Wi-Fi when I switched up my plan a couple weeks ago. 3.5 games up in the division at the start of the game. We need a win.

- Tonight's intriguing duos: WGN announcers Bob Brenley and Len Kasper (who will be referred to in this post as Jeff Twardzik, for no real reason); Andre Ethier and Milton Bradley, Weaver vs. Gorzelanny

- Two warning track outs in the top of the first - somehow a 1,2,3 inning. Weaver is gonna make this an interesting one.

- Rafael Furcal - 6 stolen bases this year. If I remember correctly, Kenny Loften had 6 a game when he hit 40.

- Fukudome bibim bomb (I know, he's Japanese, not Korean. It sounds good, deal with it). Top of second. The Weaver feast begins?

- Old timer Cubs coach in the stands. Came up with the dodgers 40 years ago. Summer of '69. The players would listen to Vin Scully on the radio while in the dugout. The red headed godfather is a national treasure.

- 6oth year for Lasorda. 60th year for Scully. Brenley: The difference between the two: "Vin comes up with new stories every once in a while."

- Lasorda's only milestone as a player according to Baseball Reference? His 7 wild pitches in 1956 gave him the third most in the AL.

- Charlie Haeger and Jeff Weaver are in our starting rotation with 40 games to go in the season. That's like 8 starts each. Shit?

- Things never before noticed until now about Dodger Stadium and the Dodgers: big, white moonbounce out beyond center; "Think Cure!" painted along the third base line; Russell Martin's jersey says "J. Martin."

- Brenley says one team in the NL has used its bullpen more than us. The Nationals.

- Player we miraculously don't have on the books: Alfonso Soriano.

- Weaver gets out of a bases loaded one-out jam in the 3rd with the luckiest back-to-back strikeouts i've ever seen. Low and away sliders to drunk Soriano followed by fingers-crossed juiceballs down the middle to Baker.

- Twardzik: Joe Torre has led his team to the playoffs in each of the last 13 years. If the Dodgers make it this year, he'll tie Bobby Cox for the record.

- Kings of Leon drummer in the stands. Probably thought BROnson Arroyo was on the mound tonight.

- Key Moment: 2-2, bottom 6, bases loaded, 1 out. Russell Martin at the plate vs. Angel Guzman after the intentional walk to Loney. I would've taken the deep sac fly. I'll take the grand slam, Russ' 4th(!) homer of the year.

- Aramis Ramirez. batting .324. Has 34 RBI. There's probably a logical explanation. Probably involves Alfonso Soriano.

- Troncoso is a member of the underrated beard club. Confederate general category.

- Twardzik: Manny swung at/made contact with every first pitch he's seen tonight.

- Shitty stat club tally:
Soriano: OBP = .300
Aramis Ramirez: RBI = 34
Rafael Furcal: SB = 4
Russell Martin: HR = 4

Great win. Dodgers at 72-50, maintain 3.5 game lead on the Rockies, 5.5 on the Giants.

Unripe Avocados

2009-08-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight the Dodgers close their eyes and reach into the avocado bin against the Cardinals for the last time this season. If their luck is as poor as mine - and it has been vs. this clearly superior NL foe every season in recent memory - the Dogs will pull out a rock-hard and flavorless fruit. This is the way it is with avocados. When you need a ripe one, you won't find one. When you want one that will be ready in two days to round out your planned meal of a smoked gouda quesadilla & Newman's Own Lemonade, you'll only find avocados that want to be eaten right then and there.

Maybe it's not avocado season. Maybe it ended before the All-Star break. Maybe I should try one of those big Mexican variety avocados, you know, the ones with the pimply light green skin that you only see in grocery stores, though never in anyone's basket. Maybe I should try one of the varieties in this enlightening little chart. Maybe I'll just buy a pack of baby carrots. Most likely, I'll buy two unripe avos ($2.50 each), put them on my windowsill and forget about them until they grow little trees out of them. I guess that wouldn't be too bad.

Scully PWNS Swindle

2009-08-05T14:34:00.000-07:00

I hopped into bed, flipped open my laptop and turned on mlb.tv just as the bottom of the 8th of last night's game began. Down 4-12, the Brewers put R.J. Swindle on the mound. A doughy looking fella who resembles something like Dave Matthews and Paula Poundstone's love child - A real comely ballplayer, as you can see. Swindle proceeded to get a major league shellacking. The type you would witness if your high school's varsity go-to middle reliever stepped on the mound to face legitimate major league ballplayers. That's what it looked like, and that's pretty much what it was. Mr. Swindle, Wikipedia tells us, "has five pitches, including a fastball, slider, change-up, cutter, and a 55 mph curveball." His "fastball," mind you, topped out at 80 mph. When Vin saw the man's curve, which clocked in at 53 and then 52 mph on the very generous Dodgers speed gun, he did everything except laugh in the dude's face.

“Wow, 52 mph! I think that’s the slowest pitch I’ve ever seen on the gun here at Dodger Stadium. I tell you what… if you strike out on that pitch, you really got Swindled!” [via Stop Making Sense]

Vin then went on to make some comment about how bad the Brewers bullpen and pitching prospects must be for Swindle to make the major league squad. It might have been the most pejorative thing I've ever heard Mr. Scully say.

Still, a couple Dodgers did strike out at Swindle's hand (Castro, Furcal), but when the inning was done the Dodgers had thrown 5 more runs on the board. Guillermo even put up an RBI bloop single. Swindle now has an ERA of 16.20. He has not thrown a scoreless inning this year. Seriously. Here's to hoping we see him on the mound tonight.

All-Fatty Team

2009-08-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

In light of the signing of George Sherrill and Prince Fielder declaring war on the Dodgers, I've decided to put together a team like no other, a team of the biggest fatties in the MLB. Shockingly, this team would probably compete with, and beat, most squads in the Bigs, and truth be told, they probably all have faster 40 times than anyone reading this blog.
SP: CC "Chicken Cutlets" Sabathia

CP: Eddie "Everyday I eat Steak" Guardado

C: Benji "The Fat One" Molina

1B: "Burger Prince" Fielder

2b: Ron "Chicken Grease" Beliard

SS: Christian "Uhhhh" Guzman

3B: Pablo "The New Giant Tomato" Sandoval

LF: Adam "The Donkey" Dunn

CF: Andrew "I'm Jonesing for a Burger" Jones

RF: Bobby "I Might Be Fat" Abreu

DH: David "Big Papa Johns" Ortiz

Prince Fattie Storms the Clubhouse

2009-08-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard, things got preeeety chippy after the Dogs beat the snot out of the Brewers 17-4 last night. In retaliation for an errant pitch that grazed Manny Ramirez in the 7th, Guillermo Mota sent Prince Fielder to the ground with a 94 mph fastball to the thigh. But wait! There's more! After the game, in an attempt to get at Mota (or, more realistically, because he heard about the delicious Dodger post-game spread of sandwiches and pizza) Fielder tried to break into the Dodgers locker room. Ultimately, he was held back by a dozen teammates and a couple security guards, preventing anything truly awesome from happening.

Tonight, in the final game of the season against the Brew Crew, the Dogs will send Schmidty to the mound. 5 or 6 years ago this would be the perfect dude to have on the bump in a game that is sure to get chippy. His menacing mid-90s fastball was not something to mess with. However, I highly doubt that any of the Brewers are shaking at the knees for fear of getting hit by his lazy 85 mph heater. Unfortunately, the Dogs will probably be the ones waking up on Thursday with giant welts on their backs and arms. Hopefully they'll also be the ones waking up with the win.

Bro, you have it all wrong...

2009-07-31T14:39:00.001-07:00

This is who Jose Canseco was talking about...

Say it aint so.....

2009-07-31T11:22:00.000-07:00

I've let it be known on this blog, and in drunken conversations with friends, that I'm not the most critical person in the world when it comes to steroids in baseball. I justified my position by arguing that steroids gave the MLB a better product. I take it all back. It's hard to imagine a bigger cover-up in sports....ever. Baseball, and Selig, have obviously known about the steroid abuse for the last decade, and they did nothing.

When Jose Canseco has more credibility than Bud Selig, something's gone terribly wrong. Canseco, once the madcap, mean spirited asshole of sports, is now baseball's most dependable source when it comes to the steroid saga. Everyone he's accused has been found guilty. Now, seeing yet another opportunity to enter the spotlight, the broke D-Bag is claiming that he knows there is a steroid user in the Hall of Fame. One has to assume that player is Rickey Henderson--Canseco's teamate in Oakland during the '90s. What's worse? I have no doubt the sleazy tattle tail is telling the truth.

It's time to bite the bullet and release the list--or have Selig step down as commissioner. Someone's obviously leaking these names, and he/she/it should step up and release all of them. Let us, the public, move on, and save the legacies of those players who didn't take steroids. Blow the top off this thing, end the speculation, and give the public a concrete end to the steroid era.

294+230= A Very Fat Bullpen

2009-07-30T14:03:00.000-07:00

Big news in the City of Angels today. ESPN is reporting that the Lake Show and LO have agreed to terms on a 4 year, $33 million contract. The Lakers are, once again, the favorites in the West--in my eyes. Had Kupchak and Dr. Buss failed to sign LO, the Spurs would have been the pick to win it. The Lakers will enter the preseason much improved, and everyone's favorite to repeat. I really can't wait to see Artest and Garnett go at it next year.

In other news, the Dodgers got some much needed help for the bullpen in acquiring George Sherrill. The Blue Crew sent Steven Johnson and Josh Bell to the Orioles in return for the Flat-Billed Fatapuss. Many people will remember Sherrill from the 2008 all star game. His unique delivery, robust frame, and 2.40 ERA will set up for Baby Brox, creating what is sure to be the heaviest bullpen duo in the history of professional baseball-- their combined weight: 524 pounds.

Manny and Ortiz Before Roids

2009-07-30T13:06:00.000-07:00

Not Funny

2009-07-29T07:55:00.000-07:00

This is for that little child with no father
For that man that doesn't have a place to stay
For that little boy living with AIDS...

Who Haz the Longest Hair in Sports?

2009-07-28T15:32:00.000-07:00

I was watching the Dodgers vs. Cards game last night, because it was on ESPN, I wanted to see Matt Holliday in red, and I love the Dodgers. I really do. Besides the revelation that my good buddy Jonny had never in his life heard of Albert Pujols (but was familiar with Fernando Tatis), the most startling occurrence of the evening was, well, Manny's hair. I couldn't help but marvel at the man's locks every time he stepped to the plate. His dreads are chunky. They're robust. His scalp really must be remarkably healthy. And jeez is that hair long. I don't know if you've noticed. Maybe, like me, you were too occupied with the thought of Manny just being Manny. But the dude's hair goes down to his nipples. AND IT'S IN DREADS. Imagine how long it must really be. Is there any professional athlete with longer hair than Man-Ram?

A few come to mind:

Fuck, i don't know anything about soccer. help plz.

BOOM!

2009-07-23T18:30:00.001-07:00

TrueBlueLA.com puts up these probability of win graphics courtesy of Fangraphs.com every once in a while. They didn't for this big game and I was curious just how mathematically devastating the Manny slam really was. Well, there you have it.

Observations - July 23

2009-07-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

- After watching last night's game, it's become apparent that Matt Kemp is not only one of the most underrated hitters in the majors, as everyone seems to be saying right now, but he's also one of the most deft and range-y centerfielders in the MLB.

- I learn time and again that Russell Martin is a superb catcher. Last night he knocked numerous awry Billingsley pitches into the dirt in front of him, and he executed 2 impressive throwouts during the game: one to end the inning and save a run after scooping up a Billingsley wild pitch and rocketing it to first; another to third to catch votto/nicks/other white Reds guy stealing (stupidly) with zero outs.

- Billingsley is wild. The walk totals don't lie.

- Manny Ramirez is the greatest hitter I've ever watched play on my computer screen. Vin Scully said during the broadcast, "the crowd made the loudest noise in 20 years" after Manny's pinch-hit grand slam.

- Bronson Arroyo's hair needs to be cut for cancer or some other worthy cause.

- Vin says Tim Wakefield is the best guitarist in the MLB. Yes, better than Bronson.

- David Weathers.

- Don Sutton pitched on the 1988 championship team. I noticed this the other day while looking up Mike Sharperson's stats. Sutton didn't make the cut for the postseason roster and retired the following offseason.

- The Dogs swept the Reds. They're now 78-23. Or something like that.

SCHMIIIIIIIIIDTAAAAY

2009-07-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

Last night, in his first start since June 16, 2007, Jason Schmidt took to the bump against the Reds. The first inning saw some schmitty defense and a bunch of 88 mph fastballs down the pipe. The Red Machine put up a quick three runs, but after the first, number 29 seemed to settle down a bit. He went 5 innings, finished with two Ks and 3 walks, and got the win.

Let's be honest, Schmidt looked nothing like the dude we signed in 2006. He still has the same chicken legs, but his fastball topped out at a Gregg Maddux-esque 89 mph. He's far from the power pitcher he used to be and we hoped would return from injury. Without his power fastball, I really doubt he can be effective in the rotation OR in the bullpen. His lack of velocity has forced him to completely alter his strategy on the mound and, quite frankly, his breaking stuff is not good enough to complement his new mind set. Steroids?

Oh well, at least our offense is awesome.

HAWT Dodgers Gear for '09

2009-07-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

I don't own enough Dodgers gear. Every Dodgers fan is required to own a New Era fitted cap, and I'm cool in that department. I've got a freebie Dodgers.com white tee that's too soot-smeared to wear out in public. And I've got a blue Garciaparra tee, inherited from the big little bro, but it's a few boobs too big for me. I need some new gear, but I won't wear just anything. I probably won't even wear a replica jersey. Like hockey and football jerz's, authentic baseball tops just don't work unless you're a rapper, a lesbian, or wearing baseball stirrups. So forget the dozens of potentially awesome replica jerseys (Choi, Strawberry, Butler, Quantrill, etc.) you can spend your day hunting down on eBay. All I want for Christmas is Chin-lung Hu.

Dodgers Tie Dye Shirt - $20.00

Can't figure out if this is ironic wear or serious wear. Probably depends what you accessorize it with.

Dodgers Poncho - $65

Fashion Tip: Be naked under this.

1988 World Champions Ring - $8.99

This will look good on you in Facebook photos and when you grab things off the rack at upscale secondhand boutiques.

Reversible Leather/Wool Jacket - $179.99

OK, don't get this.

Reebok Dodgers Sandals - $24.95

For optimal function, slip these on in the morning, smoke a bowl out of Bong Chi Kuo, sit in recliner, watch Three's Company.

Fernando Valenzuela Cooperstown Throwback Jersey - $105

I know I said no jerseys. This is the one and only exception. ABBA wrote a song about him.

Phiten Titanium Dodgers Necklace X30 - $23.99

I don't know what this is, but you can probably use it as a whip in case the Pablo Sandoval fan next to you gets a little unruly.

Los Doyers Shirt - $18.99

I might actually buy this. If there are any Hispanics reading this blog, please tell me if this is racist.

Joe Jonas Dodgers Ray Ban Wayfarers

WANT. WANT. WANT. WEENIS. WANT.

Cricket in the US?

2009-07-16T11:55:00.000-07:00

Really?

We Walk, We Rock

2009-07-16T11:40:00.001-07:00

I'M BACK!!

2009-07-16T11:01:00.001-07:00

Hello readers, sorry for my lack of posts. I've been moving into my new pad in Chicago and haven't had time to write. Anyhooooo....

A lot's been going on in the Lakers front office. To begin, Dr. Buss--taking a page from the McCourt playbook--has rescinded the 4 year, 36 million dollar offer to LO. From what I've read, it appears that there aren't many, if any, teams that are willing to meet Odom's request for a $10 milly a year. It appears as though the Lakers are using this lack of interest as leverage to try and get LO to sign for less. This whole debacle is eerily similar to the contract negotiations between Manny and the Dodgers front office at the begining of the year. If you don't remember, the Doggies, knowing that Manny was attracting very limited interest, played hard ball with Boras and our dreadlocked savior from day one. Manny, like Odom, had no other offers on the table, and Colleti and Mccourt played chicken, allowing the negotiations to drag on.

I can't tell if this is a smart move or a death sentence for the Lakers. Much like Manny and the Dodgers, Odom has been a huge part of the Lakers' success. However, unlike Manny, Odom doesn't carry the baggage and unreasonable demands that Manny did-- If Marcin Gortat can get $7 million a year, then Odom has every right to ask for $10. If the Blazers, Mavs, or any other team willing to spend offers Odom the kind of money he wants and he leaves, the Lakers are in trouble. This is a bold move by the front office, and time will tell if it's a smart one.

On the diamond, the Dodgers entered the All-Star break with the best record in baseball. They're number one in virtually all of the power rankings, and our bullpen has been lights out thus far. However, don't expect the Dogs to dominate in the second half. Chad Billingsly has thrown more pitches than any other hurler in the Majors, our bullpen is starting to show signs of vulnerability, and we still don't have a consitent back-end starter. Look for the Dodgers to pursue some veteran arms to help shore up the rotation and bullpen. Don't expect the Dogs, however, to make a push for an ace such as Halladay or Dan Haren--the cost of trading for one of these studs would likely include Kershaw and a couple prospects. One name that hasn't come up yet, but should, is Ben Sheets. The dude has been out of the league all year, but don't forget he was the NL's starting pitcher in the All Star game only a few years back. If his arm isn't strong enough to start, it should be strong enough to come out of the bullpen. I'm also gonna go out on a limb and predict we see the return of Joe Beimel. He's just the type of guy we need with Belisario hurt, and he's voiced his interest in returning to LA on more than one occasion.

DB

MARCIN!

2009-07-13T15:12:00.000-07:00

Marcin Gortat is about to make just under $7 million a year. Friends, this is exhibit 1A why you want to be a professional athlete. Anyway, I was surfing the net, learning a little about our Polish friend when I stumbled upon the following video. It happened at a dunk contest somewhere in Eurasia. It is real. Polish joke.

Big Victory in the Big Citi

2009-07-10T13:48:00.000-07:00

I saw the 2009 Dodgers in person for the first time last night. Wow. This team is impressive. Never mind that we were facing Livan "my belly interferes with my throwing elbow" Hernandez. Never mind that the squad was going up against a disastrously depleted Mets squad (The Post has resorted to calling the team "the Replace-Mets" lately). Never mind that Randy Wolf had supersticiously changed his uniform number hours before the game. The Dodgers looked incredible.

This is the most stacked Dodgers offense I have ever witnessed in my life.

I walked through the Citi gates and up the ~~Keith Hernandez~~ Jackie Robinson Rotunda stairs at 7:25, fifteen minutes after the first pitch. Glancing at the massive scoreboard on the way to our cheap seats way up and behind home plate, I discovered we were already up 4-0. My buddy Scott said that's the thing about baseball. In no other sport can a game be over in such short order. I responded with something about him spending less time pouring Jim Beam in the Grand Central men's room.

The game almost became a game in the bottom of the first, but the Mets limp lineup couldn't muster more than a run. They got another in the bottom of the third, but by that time we had tagged Livan for 6 and it really did look like the game was over.

Citi was about half full by the top of the sixth, either because Mets fans had left the building or because they were wandering around - which the stadium's design seems to encourage you to do. And that's really the best part about this new stadium. Designed by HOK Sport (the builders behind 16 other MLB stadiums - think Citizen's Bank Park, Petco, Comerica), Citi features more standing room than any stadium I've been to. There are cup holders behind seats in the last row of certain sections. The ushers let you hover anywhere you're not obstructing a view. And there are picnic tables above the bullpens in center field (more impressive: there was room to sit down).

The food's not too bad either. Of course we didn't wait 30 minutes for Shake Shack, but the Skipper and Jonny ate some carnitas tacos that they called "decent." Pete had a bag of peanuts I couldn't stop putting my hands in, and I spent no time waiting in line for a mediocre dog and a couple beers - both of which were better and cheaper than their new Yankee stadium counterparts. I'm quite convinced now that Citi tramples Yankee Stadium in every other facet, too. Dodger Stadium? Not quite. The new Mets stadium, though offering a backdrop slightly more scenic than Shea, still overlooks what looks like a vast industrial wasteland. When I think of Dodger Stadium, I Think Blue.

2009 Draft Review

2009-06-25T20:48:00.000-07:00

Now that it's over, can we all admit to ourselves that this was the weakest draft we've had in years? When Jrue Holiday-- a 6'4'', moderately athletic guard who averaged around 9 points in his one year at college-- is considered the "steal" of the draft, and 2 of the top 7 picks (Rubio and Curry) can't grow facial hair , something's not right. This is not to say that there weren't quality players in the draft, there were, it's just that many of them were overshadowed but a bunch of future NBDL-ers. A guy like Ty Lawson was drafted behind Terrence Williams and James Johnson. Christian Eyenga was drafted ahead of DaJuan Summers, Sam Young, and DeJuan Blair. The theme of this draft: familiarity breeds contempt. I usually dismiss anything that Dicky V says, but apparently he agrees with me on this. With this in mind, here are the best, and worst, pics of the draft.

Best Picks:
Tyler Hansborough, Indiana: A lot of people in Indiana might be upset today, but in 7 years when Earl Clark, Austin Daye, and James Johnson are out of the league and Crazy Eyes is still a big part of their team, they'll be happy to have him. People seem to forget that he is arguably the best Tar Heel of ALL TIME. To me, that is a far better indicator of what he'll be in the pros than a 40 inch vertical or a good work-out could ever be. Kudos to Larry Bird and Jim O'Brien for making the most unsexy, but possibly the safest, pick in the draft.

DeJuan Blair, San Antonio: Big Baby Blair was 9th on my list and 14 on Jay Bilas', yet somehow he slipped all the way to 37. He was by far the best offensive rebounder in the draft and will get a lot of minutes for the Spurs next year. Their draft, combined with the trade for Richard Jefferson, makes San Antonio the most improved team heading into July.

Johnny Flynn, Minnesota: After drafting Rubio, the Wolves could have shied away from Flynn. Instead, they got the best available player in a weak draft. Think of Flynn as a more athletic Jameer Nelson.

Sam Young, Memphis: Memphis might have had the best draft of any team. They were looking for solid, defensive minded players who could contribute immediately, and they got them. Young's game reminds me a lot of Trevor Ariza's--a long, athletic defender who can knock down the 3 consistantly.

Worst Picks:
Christian Eyenga, Cleveland: I'll admit that I don't know much about this dude. That being said, I'm going to go ahead and assume that he can't shoot and that he's not going to contribute this year. With that in mind, they could have landed a shooter like Sam Young, Jodie Meeks, DaJuan Summers, Chase Buddinger, or Jack McClinton. Any of those guys would have contributed to a Cavs championship run and been a great compliment to Prince James. Instead they wasted a roster spot.

James Johnson, Chicago: Chicago really needed a scoring guard and instead chose a big man who isn't going to see the court this year. They should have drafted Jrue Holliday, Ty Lawson, or Jeff Teague, with the 16th pick. Then, if they really loved this dude, they could've gotten him with the 26th pick. A wasted pick that could have really helped a team that is likely to lose Ben Gordon and/or Luol Deng.

Biggest D-Bag:
Brandon Jennings, Milwaukee: I can't believe he had the nerve to show up 4 picks late, take the stage like everyone was waiting for him, and ruin Earl Clark's moment. Jennings reeks of douchebaggery.

With regards to the Manny news, all I have to say is this: the DEA must be VERY bored if they're investigating a couple dudes who sell woman's fertility drugs.

Rich getting richer?

2009-06-25T14:21:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to upstage the sad, small-market, teams in the draft lottery (Knicks excluded), the NBA's juggernauts are making big moves.

The Cavs traded for a washed up Aristotle. This move makes very little sense to me. While his 14 points and 10 rebounds might look snazzy on paper, Shaq is going to clog the lane and make it much harder for Lebron to get to the hoop. Also, the dude can't guard the pick and roll, the go- to play of the Magic and Celtics. What the Cavs really need are consistent shooters (read: Hedu Turkoglu) to complement Lebron's drive-and-kick style of play.
There's obviously a reason--other than money-- that the Suns are trading The Big Cactus for a dude who is most likely retiring (Ben Wallace), the 30th pick, an inconsistent "shooter" who doesn't play defense (Pavlovic), and half a million dollars. The dude's washed up.

The Magic, anticipating Turkoglu's departure, also traded for a washed up superstar. They'll send Courtney Lee and the expiring contracts of Rafer Alston and Tonie Batie to the Nets for Vinsanity and Ryan Anderson. They're taking a win now approach by trading their most promising player (other than Dwight) for a 32 year old, 8 time all star with bad knees.

On the flipside, I love this trade for the Nets. The trade makes an already impressive young squad even more promising. With Devin Harris, Brook Lopez, and Courtney Lee, this team is stacked with young talent. Not only that, but this trade brings in two expiring contracts, and frees up Vince's 33 million over the next 2 years. Sorry Knick fans, but this makes the Nets the front runner in the Bron Bron sweepstakes. The prospect of Lebron teaming up with all these young stars is very, very scary.

Lastly, The Lakers, showing supreme confidence in Sun Yue and Adam Morrison, sold the 29th pick in tonight's draft to the Knicks for 3 million dollars, sighting a lack of roster space. Does this mean we're resigning LO and Ariza? Sounds like it.

YES!

2009-06-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Toltzis:

Doom Bizzle's Top 10 Prospects

2009-06-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

Because all the hype around Ricky Rubio is pissing me off:

1. Blake Griffin -- A more athletic Carlos Boozer
2. Hasheem Thabeet -- At worst, Theo Ratliff. At best, Mutumbo. Either way, he'll be productive for a lot of years.
3. Tyreke Evans -- The only "raw" draftee that I think will be productive in his freshman campaign
4. Johnny Flynn -- Most over-looked player in the draft. Has an NBA-ready game.
5. James Harden -- Reminds me of a young Grant Hill.
6. Stephen Curry -- Dude's ridiculously quick release will allow him to get his shot off in the NBA
7. Jordan Hill -- A banger down low with sweet hair
8. Gerald Henderson -- I'm predicting 12 ppg and 6 rpg in first year. Perfect fit for a team like the Bulls.
9. Dejuan Blair -- Stronger, more defensive minded Elton Brand (assuming his knees hold up)
10. Ricky Rubio -- When was the last time a European this hyped was actually good?

5 other dudes who will make an impact next season:

1. Tyler Hansborough -- He's a tool, but he's fearless.
2. Wayne Ellington -- UNC guards who stay in college for more than a year are always good.
3. Jerel McNeal -- Great scorer off the bench for a playoff team (read: Hornets, Suns, Sixers)
4. Darren Collison -- Shut down defender who can run with the best of 'em
5. Sam Young -- Got better in each of his 4 years at Pitt

Poll on ESPN...pshhhhh

2009-06-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

"Was a 2-0 win against Spain a game-changing moment for the sport of soccer in the United States?"

Yes, for the next 48 hours until we get smoked by Brazil and everything goes back to normal. I've heard this hundreds of times--after our run in the 2002 World Cup, after we beat Brazil in a friendly a couple years ago, after David Beckham came to America, etc. Unlike Europe, the only soccer team that anyone in the United States has a vested interest in is the national team. Because of this, soccer's popularity in the US is, and will continue to be, directly correlated with their success. So while we're all excited today, this will all be a distant memory come Sunday when we lose to Brazil. Let's be real, soccer (and lacrosse) will always be a secondary sport in America because the only people who care about it are skinny white dudes (picture above excluded).

The Forgotten Weaver

2009-06-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

From Wikipedia: "Signed by the Los Angeles Dodgers as an amateur free agent in 1991, Weaver made his Major League Baseball debut with the Los Angeles Dodgers on May 30, 1998, and appeared in his final game on August 17, 2000."

P.S. He's not related to the other two.

Rambo vs The Zen Master

2009-06-23T16:02:00.001-07:00

Taking a page from Vin Scully's book, Phil Jackson is consideringg only coaching some away games, leaving the majority to Kurt Rambis.

This seems like a ploy on Phil's part. It would allow the Zen Master to cash in on his 12 million, while holding a part-time position. For 12 million dollars not only should he coach every single game, whether here or in Kabul, but he should act as the equipment manager.

If Phil is actually considering this, then it's time for the Zen Master to throw in the towel and hand the reins to Rambis. Although he probably wouldn't accept, Kupchak should offer him a front office job or a spot as an assitant coach. I can't imagine a team with two head coaches would ever work.

Sad Day in the Western Conference, Good day for tacos

2009-06-23T11:18:00.000-07:00

News of the Spurs trading Bruce Bowen has got me kinda blue. He has been a mainstay on the Spurs through their championship seasons, and through many heated battles with the Lake Show. I've always respected, and even liked, Bowen and, quite frankly, I feel bad for him. Going from a perennial contender to Milwaukee in the golden years of his career isn't ideal. The dude got a raw deal.

Don't get me wrong, anyone in their right mind would have made the trade from the Spurs' perspective. This is most likely the beginning of some significant change in San Antonio--they're clearly looking to go younger and more athletic. The trade gives them a pretty scary lineup when Parker, Ginobili (assuming he's healthy), Jefferson and Duncan are on the floor. At the same time, the losses of Oberto and Kurt Thomas drastically shorten their bench. It'll be interesting to see what they do the rest of the offseason.

On another note, the dudes who stole Lance Armstrong's bike are getting 3 years in jail while Dante Stallworth is set to serve 30 days......ummmmmm

AAAAANYWAY, I had some bomb ass carne asada tacos last night. My buddy Andrew and I made the trek down Pico to East LA to eat at El Parian. I ordered 3 carne asada cos and Andrew ordered 2 carne asada and one goat-type-thingy. Really, really delicious and authentic. If you're ever in East LA, and you like tacos like I do, check it out.

2009-06-22T21:18:00.001-07:00

A sign that they're about to release the names on the Mitchell report?

Mannyquerque!!!

2009-06-22T16:16:00.000-07:00

After months of getting his hair did (--->) and eating sushi, Manbone will finally make his first appearance since his suspension as an Albuquerque Isotope--the Dodgers' triple A affiliate. Amid speculation that Manny would be making an appearance in Albuquerque, the club "sold almost 7,000 tickets [Friday], compared to a typical pre-game reserved sales in the hundreds for a midweek series in June". Can you say Mannyquerque?

With only nine games left on his suspension, the Big Club sits 8 games ahead of the Giants (who are, surprisingly, 6 games over .500). LA's other Zen Master now faces some tough decisions. Does he:

A) Take Pierre out of his everyday role despite his incredible production? I really hope not. This would put a struggling Furcal in the leadoff spot and completely change the dynamic of a lineup that has been very productive over the past 41 games.

B) Move Pierre back to center, Kemp to right, and Ethier to the bench. Personally, I think this is our best option. Pierre has about as much arm strength as an adolescent Chad Pennington, but what he brings to the Dodgers offensively outweighs what he takes away in the field.

C) Trade Pierre. I'm not sure what we could get for him, but if the Dogs can land some fresh arms for the bullpen, it might be worth it. Torre's "excessive" use of Troncoso and Belasario has been well documented, and perhaps the Dogs could get some hurlers to help ease their burden. More arms now means fresher arms come October.

I only wish we were in the AL.

DB

Dodgers Spank the Rally Monkeys

2009-06-21T20:13:00.001-07:00

Five things that made me happy about tonight's win:

1) The number of Dodger fans in Anaheim. Turns out Artie Moreno's marketing strategy in Downtown was a failure.

2) James Loney hitting his second home run of the series. Jar Jar entered the series with 3 on the year.

3) Clayton Kershaw. No explanation necessary.

4) Kobe rooting for the Dodgers, and staying the whole game.

5) Big Brox finally getting some love outside of LA. I quote: "He's become the best closer in the National League"-- Jon Miller

2009-06-20T12:16:00.000-07:00

Brutal loss last night, made worse by the way we lost. It's never easy to swallow a come-from-behind loss against a rival. Not to mention my new favorite Dog, Mitch Jones, went 0-2 and got hit by a pitch. I'm not sure why Torre put in Mota over Troncoso and Bellisario in the 8th. I'm assuming he was planning on the game going to extra innings and wanted to have his go-to arms available later on. Or maybe it was because of THIS.

Anyway, I left my house after the game in a bad mood. A buddy of mine and I went to see the band Chief perform in Hollywood. Real solid. As I was entering the venue, some kid came up and explained to me how I ruined his baseball career by hitting so many home runs off him. It was awesome. For sure the highlight of my night. The venue was an abandoned warehouse that had been taken over and refurbished by a theater company. It was pretty cool and the music was excellent.

After the show, my buddy and I stopped in to Los Tacos--a hole in the wall off Santa Monica, for some carne asada tacos. The meat was dry, salty, and overcooked. They tasted more like briscuit tacos, and we were greatly dissapointed, mostly because they looked delicious.

Tonight, the Weaver bros duke it out. Our Weaver hasn't started a game since May 20th and has pitched only 4 innings in June. Their Weaver is a potential All-Star starter. According to their parents, "Jered will pull for Jeff, and Jeff will pull for Jered. That's the way it's always been. One game won't change that". Sure, whatever.

Doom Bizzle

Where Are They Now: Stanislav Medvedenko

2009-06-18T18:24:00.000-07:00

Stanislav "Slava" Medvendenko played with the Lakers for from 2000-2006 averaging 4.47 ppg and just over 2 rebounds per game. During his time with the Lakers, he was widely known for his infuriating desire to shoot every time he touched the ball, and his ability to agitate Steven A. Smith. In 2006, Slava suffered a herniated disc, forcing him to miss the entire season. In March of that year he was waived by the Lakers in order to make roster space for Jim Jackson.

After his speech at the 2001 Championship parade, Randy Newman sued Slava for copyright infringement (WATCH: HERE). He returned to Ukraine--$16 in his pocket and the shirt on his back-- the 15th richest man in the country and a national hero. The next year, a hard lesson and a little more English learned, he returned to the stage ready to make up for the previous year. The crowed waited anxiously for his turn to speak. The wait was well worth it, as his speech captured a nation (WATCH: HERE). The speeches created a frenzy, and Slava had found his calling.

For the past two years Slava has served as one of Obama's primary speech writers. His speeches are simple, yet deeply profound. In 2007, during some downtime at a campaign stop in Jefferson City, MO, David Axelrod bet him that he could not eat 10 sausages in 3 minutes. Infuriated, Medved responded "Yes we can!" The rest is history.

Catching up with the Blue Crew

2009-06-18T14:04:00.001-07:00

Well, it's been over a week since we've written exclusively about our friends in blue, and for that I apologize. We, like the rest of Los Angeles, have been caught up in Lakermania. However, now that we've had the parade, it's time to take down our Laker flags and put up the Doggies.

So let's catch up...

Since the 10th we've gone 3-3, scored 19 runs, given up 22, signed a 18 year old Korean high schooler, avoided our first 3-game losing streak of the season, diagnosed Randy "Whooping" Wolf with a "persistent cough," optioned my man Jamie Hoffman, gotten pwned by Fatty "Andruw" Jones, and seen 31 year old rookie Mitch Jones get his first career hit. Alright, now that we're caught up we can look towards the future.

Tonight, Whooping Cough Wolf takes the mound, attempting to take the series 2-1 from the Oakland A's. After a very strong May--a month that he finished with a 2.35 ERA--the ginger hurler has struggled in June, allowing 11 earned runs in 17 innings.

Worst case scenario tonight: Wolf gives up 6 earned runs in 4 innings, goes on the DL with scarlet fever, Dodgers lose 8-3.

Best case scenario: Wolf has a Billingsly-esque performance--pitching a 5 hit shutout, coughs on Eric Milton who gets sick, goes on the DL, and is forced to retire. Dodgers win 5-0.

On another note, the Dodgers outfielders, probably feeling the heat as Manny's return approaches, have continued to hit the crap out of the ball. Pierre and Kemp are both batting over .300 and Ethier leads the team with 11 home runs and three walk-off hits--two of which were home runs. Manuel will make his single-A debut next week, once he recovers from a sore throat. Here's to hoping that his hitting mechanics, and not his sore throat or attitude, rubs off on the impressionable 18 and 19 year olds he's gonna be playing with.

Hasta la Pasta,

Doom Bizzle

Winningest Managers

2009-06-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

1: Connie Mack (3731 victories)

2: John McGraw (2763 victories)

3: Tony LaRussa (2497 victories)

4: Bobby Cox (2357 victories)

5a: Sparky Anderson (2194 victories)

5b: Joe Torre (2194 victories)

NO ME GUSTA

2009-06-17T08:10:00.001-07:00

LATimes.com is running ads promoting this abomination. You can only get it at Rubio's. Not sure where you'll find a Rubio's, maybe in El Monte or South Bay. Even the Qdoba Poblano Pesto Burrito is a better choice than this.

In other news, you can stream the Lakers' victory parade at KCal9.com. 1 million fans showed up in 2002. This happened in 2001 (note seconds 43-47):

More Mad Dog:

Luv U Pau, Luv U Skeksis

2009-06-16T11:59:00.000-07:00

(via Pat. thx Pat.)

Umm....What now?

2009-06-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

A couple bogus off-season scenarios I'd love to see:

1) After the Lakers lock up Ariza for 5 years and $22 Million, they complete a sign and trade with the Houston Rockets: Lamar Odom and Sasha Vujacic for Ron Artest. Assuming LO asks for around 7 milly a year and Artest demands around 11, the money matches up. The Lakers would maintain their length advantage over just about everyone else, and Artest brings some street-cred to the squad.

2) Lakers trade Sasha "Fierce" Vujacic, Luke Walton, Adam Morrison and their 1st round pick for David Lee in what will later be recognized as the pastiest trade of all time. Sasha, Luke and Adam all fit into D'Antoni's system perfectly--they can run and shoot, and they have length. With the 29th pick they could also take Jodie Meeks or some other scorer. David Lee provides the Lakers with a true power forward and some grit and toughness. This deal would also give the Lakers the economic flexibility to sign both Odom and Ariza.

3) Lakers sign Jason Kidd or Allen Iverson. I am a huge fan of both players and would love nothing more than to see either one of them in the purple and gold. They're both still in search of a ring, and who knows, maybe one of them will be willing to take a SERIOUS pay cut to join a real contender.

Failure = Fuel

2009-06-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

"LA will be burning cop cars." That's what my good buddy Max said. I bet him $5 it wouldn't happen. We've tasted victory before. The LAPD won't let 2000's violent fandom take place again. It's post 9/11. And it's a recession. The city won't pay for a championship parade (update: they'll split it 50/50 with the team), much less let a few unruly wastrels molotov LA's Navi's.

I won the bet, though I got about as much pleasure out of that little victory as I did out of last night's Lakers victory. OK, a tad less - winning a bet vs. Max is like beating a small child at Scrabble. Winning an NBA championship is a much bigger deal, but for some reason I'm not as energized by the 08-09 title as I should be. It's almost as if I saw Kobe hoist the Larry O'Brien trophy, Pau, Lamar, Mbenga and friends in the background, before he actually did it last night. There were no goosebumps when the team was on the podium. Maybe I was too hungover from the previous night, too sun-baked from the day, or maybe the sight of Vanessa Bryant and kids reeked too strongly of a publicity stunt on Kobe's part. Let Gary Vitti and Jordan Farmar stroke that trophy, not ~~Sasha & Melia~~ Natalia and Gianna, yafeelme? This championship wasn't a foregone conclusion when the finals kicked off, but after the Magic's game four implosion, it certainly seemed that way. Today is a Monday that's just slightly less lame than the last.

"You can't succeed until you've tasted defeat." I dunno who said that, but I think it's especially true of the NBA today. Failure poisons MLB players forever - especially relief pitchers. Failure in the NFL regularly turns highly touted college QB's into Division II QB coaches. Failure destroys skiers and racecar drivers - especially failures that occur at speeds over 50 MPH. But in the NBA, failure is fuel. Nobody on ORL had really failed before this series. David Robinson was PWND by the '90s before Jordan retired and the greatest power forward of all-time helped get him atop the heap. KG's career was defined by failure before the Celts took the title last year. If you're a Lakers fan, you know the failures of the past seven years, on and off the court, are too numerous to count. The team is stronger for them. Kobe knows what doesn't work. Luke Walton and Jordan Farmar store those failures in their fat and burn them when they're called off the bench. Lamar knew that nothing less than a title could alter his cringe-worthy destiny. Last night he did it, and today we think of him in a totally different light than we did two months ago.

More powerful than any of that might be the lingering thought in Magic players' minds that they couldn't win. Especially after Courtney Lee missed the alley-oop, especially after Dwight missed those two free throws, especially after they gave up that 12-point lead in the first quarter of last night's game. The Magic hadn't failed BEFORE. They were in the midst of failing NOW. Shots don't fall when you don't believe, and more driven opponents thrive on that lack of faith. That's what you saw in the second and third quarter last night when the Lakers played some of the best high-octane basketball of the season. They kicked ass, and for a minute made me think they could beat last year's Celtics.

Now, two questions remain. First, will the Lakers want it enough next year to repeat? And will the Cavs acquire a difference maker to make LeBron's failure relevant? Coming from a basketball fan first, Lakers fan second, I hope the answer to both of those questions is Yes.

Lakers::Champions as Tacos::Awesome

2009-06-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

Well, once again the Lakers are champions, and that's pretty awesome. I only wish the series would have gone a little differently.

Don't get me wrong, I love the Lakers. I'm happy Kobe got his redemption and Phil got his 10th championship. That being said, this series, and particularly game 5, left a lot to be desired in the drama department. Game 5 was like a superhero movie where the villain is captured in the first 20 minutes. You're forced to watch the rest of the movie because you payed 12 dollars, but as the movie goes on, the sense of triumph slowly deteriorates until you feel apathetic about the whole thing.

The game was decided, in my eyes, after the 16-0 run in the late first and early second quarters. The big lead was incredibly satisfying, if only for a couple minutes. After that I began to wish that the D-Fish thriller had actually been game 5. I wished that we were beating up on the Celtics or the Cavs--teams that, quite frankly, are more relevant in the public eye, and would've been more competitive. I wished that the game had taken place in LA. The victory just lacked the excitementt that series clinchers are supposed to have, and there was no real sense of accomplishment in the blowout.

All that being said, the victory is sweet and a boring series sure isn't going to stop the flipping of cop cars and the looting downtown.

I'll see ya'll at the parade.

DB

University of Shady Characters

2009-06-12T11:11:00.000-07:00

In light of recent news:

http://abcnews.go.com/Sports/wireStory?id=7800022

Can anyone say "Blue Chips"? Tim Floyd even looks like Nick Nolte in the movie.

The Return of D-Swish

2009-06-11T23:12:00.000-07:00

Holy frijoles! What a game.

The Moogster and I stopped in to The Shack on Wilshire Blvd to catch the game before I took her to the airport. The place was packed with a ton of drunken, middle-aged Laker fans and two REALLY drunk, middle-aged ladies rooting for the Magic. The crowd was incredibly obnoxious, and the Magic ladies were by far the worst They took every opportunity to make their allegiance known--jumping out of their seats and shrieking at every rebound, turnover, or foul. Unfortunately, the Moogster and I were sandwiched between these two Magicianettes.

Throughout the first half the Laker fans were forced to endure the raucous chicks in the back because, quite frankly, we had very little to cheer about. Then the third quarter rolled around and a completely different Laker team took the court. Not sure what Phil said to the boys in the locker room, but whatever it was, it worked. Our defense clamped down, our shot selection improved, and Trevor A-three-za got hot. It was awesome. The ladies in the back shut up, our food finally made its way to our table (although the wings were very sub-par), and the mood in the bar improved dramatically.

I'm not gonna lie, I had given up hope when we were down 5 with 12 seconds to go. I was planning the best route to get to the 405 when Superman got fouled.

I can't help but think that his misses, and D-Swish's subsequent trifecta, were the basketball gods punishing the Magic for the abhorrant befuddled women sitting next to me. Either way, it was an incredible course of events that Laker fans won't soon forget.

Now, while I watch Stargate on HBO, our boys in purple sit one win away from a post-Diesel championship and parade through downtown LA. In a way I hope we close it out at home, but I'll most definitely take a W on Sunday.

Boo Ya,

DB

MANNY SPEAKS!!!

2009-06-10T16:45:00.000-07:00

For the first time since his suspension my man Rambo spoke out about getting the boot for 50 games and his return.

"Whatever happened, that's in the past. I'm coming to play my game and move on. What happened, happened. I spoke to [owner] Frank McCourt, I apologized, I spoke to [manager] Joe Torre, my teammates and I'm ready to move on. I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody. That's it."

Coming out of anyone else's mouth this might seem disingenuous (read: A-Rod), but I'm convinced Manbone will come back and play as if nothing ever happened. He is too aloof/detached, and his priorities are too skewed, to let the public scrutiny he's sure to recieve outside of Chavez Ravine effect how he carries himself or how he plays the game. I can't think of a player who is more aptly wired to handle the steroid chants in San Francisco, the plastic syringes in San Diego, or new nickenames/catch phrases the Chicago Tribune is going to come up with for him.

Unlike A-Rod, Manny genuinely does not care what anyone thinks about him. He's the furthest thing from media-sensitive, and I'm not at all concerned about his performance on the field once he gets back from suspension.

I, for one, can't wait to see those ratty locks glowing in the pacific sun.

2009-06-10T09:49:00.000-07:00

Some headlines from the LA Times today:

"Magic turn up heat on Lakers"
"This all seems unfamiliar to the Lakers"
"Kobe Bryant's weariness should make Lakers fans wary"

um.....really? It took the Magic a record setting performance for them to win a game that was tied late in the 4th. If me, my girlfriend, my grandma, my dog, and sammybreeze shot 65%, we could probably beat the Lakers. I don't know if these reporters really believe that the Magic are going to keep that up or they're just trying to hype the series, but the idea that Orlando had some cathartic experience and figured out the Lakers is ridiculous. The bottom line is this: the lakers played crappy and the Magic played the best they could possibly play.

Unfamiliar? What about the Rockets series?

As for Kobe being tired. Of course the dude is tired. Everyone is tired. The Mamba has carried the team on his back for the past 3 weeks. Did these writers forget he had 20 points in the first half and looked like the best player in the world during the first quarter? The Mamba had one bad half. I'd bet my life's savings that he's gonna tear it up on Thursday.

Charles Barkley put it best in his column--yeah he had his own column in The Times-- when he so eloquently said: It was a good game.

Us Angelinos have nothing to worry about. We're not gonna play that bad again and I don't forsee another shooting clinic like that by the Magic.

Best Day Ever

2009-06-08T20:29:00.000-07:00

Who has two thumbs and had an awesome LA sports experience last night? THIS GUY. My dad got two seats in the dugout club from his agent and, being that my girlfriend is in town from Indiana, gave them up to me and the moogster.

We got to Dodger stadium in 20 minutes. Traffic was a breeze and the hybrid was purring like a kitten. We pulled in to our reserved spot in parking lot G right outside the left field bleachers. After walking through the private shop and martini lounge we got to our seats--literally an arms length from the Phillies' on deck circle. I was about to head back to the lounge to grab a hot dog or four, when our private waiter approached us and asked what we wanted.

"2 Dale Jrs (bud lights), 2 Hot Dogs, and some garlic fries," I told my new friend.

Service was quick and the food was free. When my view wasn't obstructed by Ryan Howard's huge butt--the moogster described it as "phenomenal" and said she'd never seen anything like it--, I could see the pitches break and the plays unfold. Also, apparently I was on TV trying to catch a Jimmy Rollins foul ball--some dork with a glove and a Phillies championship shirt ended up with it. To put it bluntly: it was awesome. My only complaint were the dozen or so Phillies fans who spent all that money just to make everyone else in the section miserable. Every time the Phillies got a hit some d-bag would make it known to everyone within a miles radius that he had "called it". Every time they scored a run, the father-son visitors sitting behind us would stand up and scream "f#@$@# champions" loud enough to force the father sitting in front of me to cover his son's ears.

The game was not so hot. Randy Wolfenstein gave up a couple runs, we fell behind, and we couldn't get back in it. Yeah, yeah, whatever. I sent the moogster into the Martini Lounge every 20 minutes or so to check the Lakers score and text me if my presence was necessary. By the time the game was unfolding it was the 8th inning and the Dodger game was somewhat out of hand.

I stumbled into the Martini Lounge (4 beers deep) with 3 minutes to go in the 4th and the Lakers up 4. We watched the end of regulation and overtime with a ton of passionate, rowdy, drunken Laker fans. The sour taste left from the Dodger game and the Phillies fans was replaced by the sweet nectar of victory.

MAMA THERE GOES THAT MAN

2009-06-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

Boo ya! The Lakers looked more like the 2000 squad that nearly swept through the playoffs than the team that almost lost to the depleted Rockets. Their defensive intensity was incredible. They contested shots, clogged the lane, and crashed the boards. On offense, they got it down low to Pau and Bynum in the first half and let Kobe put on his mean face and create open shots in the second. The only thing we did wrong tonight was let Sasha Fierce touch the ball.

I have to question my man Van Gundy's (the fat one) decision to give Nelson that many minutes. Actually, it's not so much that he gave the minutes to Nelson, but that he took them from Alston--Rafer played 25 minutes, Nelson played 23. Skip To My Lou has played a brilliant point throughout the playoffs, managing the games and getting the ball to the right people. Not only was giving Nelson these minutes a slap in the face to poor Rafer, but a desperate move on Van Gundy's part. It's essentially Stan saying "I don't think the team you've been watching is good enough to beat the Lakers". I would understand throwing Nelson into the fire if they were down 15 points or 2-0 in the series, but 23 minutes tonight was just silly.

Lastly, the announcers made too much of an effort to sound objective. If you're gonna let the other Van Gundy call the game, let him call the game. Instead, the dudes were criticizing Stan just to criticize him--excoriating (what up SATs) him for calling a time out when his team was down 4 and a bunch of other petty shit.

On a brighter note, this was the first time SVG hasn't looked as though he was about to have a heart attack during his mid-game interview.

Salaam Alekum,

Doom Bizzle

Kobe vs. Howard: Two Delicious Chickens

2009-06-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

After squandering through tons of NBA Finals Predictions online and watching hours of coverage on ESPN, I've noticed that two names keep popping up (rightfully so) as key difference makers in the series, Kobe Bryant and Dwight Howard. It got me thinking, are there any players in the NBA more different than these two--aside from Kirk Hinrich and Stephen Jackson. Sure, they're both megaultrasuperstars, but beyond that it's like trying to compare apples and orangutans.

In order to elaborate on their differences, I've decided to compare each player to a very distinct, and delicious, chicken dish in Los Angeles.

Dwight Howard: the Chicken basket from Reddi Chick-- simple, filling, and delicious. The basket itself consists of two components: chicken and fries. For the purposes of this post, think of the Chicken as Dwight's defensive game and the fries his offensive. The fries are crispy, but perhaps a tad too greasy. The seasoning, however, is awesome and makes up for the grease. The fries are littered around the rotisserie half chicken, serving as a delicious compliment to the true heart of the meal. The chicken is cooked to perfection, without too much fat or skin hanging off of it. Typically, you get a large breast, a leg, and a small wing--think of these as rebounds, blocks, and contested shots--enough chicken to keep you full for quite some time. When you get to the bottom of the basket you find grease soaked fries. I tend to leave these fries so as to not ruin the 3 and a half quarters of a delicious, delicious meal. Instead, I head to the soft serve (read: Rashard Lewis) to cap off my yummy 4 quarters of grubbery.

Kobe Bryant: the 1/2 Chicken plate from Cha Cha Chicken--multi-faceted, healthy and also delicious. The 1/2 Chicken is served smothered in a sweet and spicy jerk sauce and comes with sides of rice and beans, a small salad, and plantains. The chicken, Byrant's offensive game, is roasted to perfection and covered in a sauce that makes it unique. The little chunks of fruit in the sauce make it sweet. The tasteful blend of Cayenne and habanero make it spicy. The garlic makes it...well, you get the point. Beneath the sauce, lies the foundation of the meal--a straight forward, perfectly

cooked breast, wing and thigh that would be a more-than-satisfactory without the sauce. While both the sauce and chicken are awesome, it is the proportion of sauce to chicken that makes the meal unparalleled. To compliment the chicken, Cha Cha provides rice and beans, a salad, and plantains. The rice and beans (read: Kobe's defensive game) are perhaps the most underrated aspect of the meal. They're solid and well proportioned, and, if you're lucky, the sauce that makes the meal so special will sneak in to the occasional bite. Then there's the salad. Actually forget that, I usually get double rice and beans and I'm pretty unfamiliar with the salad. Mooooooving on, there's the plantains, a fine way to end the meal. The 3 and a half quarters of devouring chicken and rice and beans leaves you wanting a little more. The plantains are the perfect remedy. They're cooked perfectly and always hit the spot at the end of the meal.

So there you have it. I have somewhat successfully compared Dwight Howard and Kobe Bryant to chicken.

PS If you live in LA and haven't been to one or both of these places, shame on you.

James Augustine might as well still be on ORL

2009-06-04T15:23:00.000-07:00

Conventional basketball wisdom says you can't rely on the three to win a 7-game series. With a 23'9" line (22' at the corners), the shortage of legit shooters in the NBA (or anywhere on Earth), and the quickness and length of NBA defenders, the long ball isn't going to fall at a consistent enough rate to make it the cornerstone of a championship.

That shit is all bogus, dude. Or is it? NCAA teams have gone deep in the tourney riding the 3 ball since the 19'9" line was universally instituted in 1986 (it's now 20'9", btw). That 2005 Illinois team, in particular, comes to mind. Deron Williams, Luther Head and Dee Brown dominated beyond the arc throughout the year, leading the Illini to the championship where they lost only their second game of the season to a spicy hot UNC team loaded with NBA size and talent (Felton, McCants, Marvin Williams, May). It was the three ball that got the Illini there... and the three ball that finally took them down. In that championship game they shot just 12-40 from beyond the arc.

The NBA is a totally different game than the NCAA, but the similarities between that Illinois team and the Magic are hard to ignore. Lewis, Turkoglu and Alston/Pietrus/Nelson/Lee(/Redick?) are the team's perimeter sharpshooters and Dwight Howard is their James Augustine. You might even say the Magic will have 4 long ball shooters on the court at any given time. That's dangerous, especially considering how hot these dudes have been of late. The Magic made more 3's in a six-game playoff series than any other team in NBA history vs. the Cavs. Bill Simmons notes in his latest mailbag, "From Game 7 of the Boston series through Game 4 of the Cleveland series, the Magic drained 55 of 119 3-pointers (47 percent)." He goes on to say, "That's impossible."

Impossible to reproduce during this series. Especially with our Rashad McCantses and Marvin Williamses flying across the floor and throwing their hands all up in Magic players' grillz. The Magic will be lucky to nail 40% from beyond the arc during any one game against us. Even if they do eclipse 40%, the Magic won't be guaranteed a victory. Far from it. The Lakers won the only two games during which they allowed the Nugs to shoot over 40%. Thankfully for Lakers fans, this series is going to come down to a lot more than threes. If only it could possibly come down to a lot more than L.O.

My Hero Dan Evans

2009-06-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

Today marks the six year anniversary of the 2003 MLB Draft. In the first 40 rounds of that draft, the Dodgers acquired four teenagers who would eventually make it to the big leagues--Chad Billingsly, Matt Kemp, Andy Laroche, and Xavier Paul. The previous year, the same GM drafted six gentlemen who would eventually become big leaguers--James Loney, Jonathon Broxton, Russell Martin, Eric Stults, James McDonald, and Delwyn Young.

Can you tell me the name of the GM responsible for these picks?

The Answer is Dan Evans, one of the most underrated General Managers in Dodger history. During his time in the front office, Evans elevated the Dodgers' farm system from a ranking of 28 in 2001, to a ranking of 2 in 2004. The team also improved (standings-wise) in each of his 4 years at the helm of the organization. Furthermore and henceforth, Big D was responsible for bringing in the golden child of the Dodger front office, Kim Ng.

So tonight when you go to bed, thank your lucky stars for Dan Evans. The Smoking Doggies would not be the team they are today without him.

Sweet Laxer Loves Dodgers

2009-06-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

And after last night's game I dunno why he wouldn't. I was sitting at a sports bar post Up viewing, when the third period of the Penguinos vs. Wings game came to a close. All the TVs flicked to the Dodgers vs. DBags game suddenly, and Randy Wolf proceded to load the bases as I finished my Yuengling. I lost focus of what was going down onscreen, I think I was talking to my companion about the shortcomings of 3D cinema, and I turned back to the screen as BJ Justin Upton was slapping hands with his teammates in the dugout. His first ever grand slam. Randy Wolf was kinda smirking on the mound. Game over.

Or so I thought. This morning I scrolled past the fold on LAT.com to see "Dodgers Rally for 5 in the Eighth." Joy. I was pretty sure we were in the midst of one of those mini-slumps where we lose 3 or 4 series in a row, but with last night's resurgence and with Billingsly on the mound tonight, I have hope, confidence even, that we'll carry the best record in the bigs into July.

Do sweet Laxers really like the dodgers?

Where Are They Now: Travis Knight

2009-06-02T14:34:00.000-07:00

Travis "The White" Knight spent three wonderful years playing for the Los Angeles Lakers, serving as our third string center during the 1999-2000 Championship campaign. After being drafted by the Bulls in 1996 and not even being offered a contract, TK signed with the Lakers. While some argue that his career highlight is his team-high 10 rebounds in a 119-96 win over the Warriors in March of 2000, others argue that his greatest professional accomplishment is his NBA playoff record for the quickest disqualification. In Game 4 of the 1999 Western-Conference semi-finals our Knight in shining armor fouled out in a mere 6 minutes.

After retiring in 2003, the harsh reality of being an unemployed, white, 7-footer hit him hard. For years he struggled with adjusting to life as a commoner. At bars, he struggled to garner the attention of females. He was forced to fly coach, yet couldn't fit in the seats. He could not afford custom cars, and thus was forced to buy a Subaru Impreza and learn to drive with his knees. He constantly bumped his head on the lintel of the doorway in his new condominium in Brunswick, CT.

All this changed when, in 2007, he underwent revolutionary height reduction therapy. After several orthopedic surgeries and months of rehabilitation he was released from the hospital a manageable 5'8''. After his release, he decided to pursue his love of performance. In his attempt to recapture the magic of celebrity, he began taking voice, dance, and beat boxing lessons and changed his name to Blake Lewis--a tribute to his two cats (Blakey and Lewis). In the 2007 season of American Idol, the new, ultra-confident, Knight appeared on American Idol. His flashy dance moves, soulful melodies, and incredible beat boxing captured the American public. Ultimately, however, Knight finished 2nd and has since faded back into obscurity. Today, Knight can be found in Salt Lake City, UT, a choir conductor at a local middle school.

2009-05-31T12:25:00.000-07:00

Well that game was a little anti-climatic. I was expecting Kobe to hurl up a 3-pointer that would rattle around the rim and eventually fall as the buzzer sounded. DJ Mbenga and Sun Yue would embrace on the bench-- maybe even share a kiss-- and Farmar and Shannon Brown would jump around like little girls, high fiving, as if they were friends and not competitors. That would've been cool, but this will do.

The Lakers are off to something like their 30th championship series in the 62 years of NBA existence--pretty wild, right? While I really really want to jump on the bandwagon, like ESPN and TNT, and just hand the trophy to Kobe, I, unsurprisingly, am a little incredulous (mark that as the sentence with the most commas in the history of grammar). It's not so much the two losses in the regular season that scare me--Jameer Nelson was the leading scorer in both of those games averaging 27.5 ppg--, nor is it the fact that our big men are far too soft to guard Superman. It's the vibe I get watching this Magic team. They have that "team of destiny" feel to them. Their game revolves around the 3-pointer yet they rarely go cold, and someone always steps up and makes them when they count. The bottom line is that this team just finds ways to win. A lot of this is a testament to Stan Van Gundy. The dude has gotten so much crap this year, yet now as his team heads to the finals no one gives him any credit. Let's not forget that in the course of the year he had to manage THREE big-time scorers, his starting point guard got injured for the year, and the Diesel called out his credentials. Fat Stan took the flack, didn't make a fuss, and continued coaching--and coaching well. The more I hear him talk in press conferences and in the huddle, the more I'm impressed with him.

Don't trivialize the fact that the Magic beat last year's champs and the team with the best regular season record to get to where they are--this is an unorthodox, but well-coached Magic team. I'm thinking this series will go 6 or 7.

Now for the Blue Crew. With about 30 games left until Manbone returns, it's time to start thinking about how Torre will adjust the line-up when he comes back. Entering play on Sunday, Juan-for-5 (name credit goes to Sean F.) is putting up ridiculous numbers (.394 Avg., .467 OBP, and leading the league in runs, steals, and hits since taking over for Manny 21 games ago). Joe Torre is calling him the "feel good story of the year" now, but in 29 games Pierre's presence is gonna give Torre all sorts of headaches. Assuming Juan's still productive and hot-hitting on July 2nd, you can't take him out of the line-up. If Manny came back today, my vote would go to giving Ethier the boot, and moving Pierre back to center, and Kemp to right. Ethier's been struggling and I wouldn't be too concerned about a defensive let-down. The other option is a trade. We have a big enough lead on the rest of the division that it might be a smart idea to deal Pierre while his value is high and play out the rest of Manny's suspension with a make-shift outfield. I'm sure we could wrangle some much needed help in the bullpen and a back-end starter for Juanito.

Not sunburnt anymore,

The FINAL(S) Countdown

2009-05-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. A throbbing headache, Lady Gaga, and an uneasy feeling about the Laker game greeted me as the new day began.

It's now 11:22 and the headache and music have subsided. The uneasy feeling about tonight's game, however, has not. I can guarantee these Pesky Pyrites are gonna come out with a level of intensity that the Lakers haven't seen in this series. That being said, there are a two scenarios I can foresee for the start of tonight's game:

a) The Pyrites come out over-hyped--chest pounding, gang sign flashing, and hard fouling--, struggle from the 3-point line, and get in foul trouble,. The Lakers' veterans take advantage of this, get a bunch of fast break points and backdoor cuts, and are up 12 by the end of the first.

b) The Nuggets' intensity manifests itself on the defensive end--blocking shots, dominating the rebounding battle, and holding the Lakers to a sub-40% field goal percentage. The Lake Show becomes the Puddle Show as Kobe is forced to chuck up outside shots late in the shot clock, and the Nuggets lead by 10-18 by the end of the first quarter.

Either way, the game's going to come down to the fourth quarter. There's no way, as far as I can see, that it's going to be a blowout--these teams are too evenly matched. In order for us to put the Nug-jobs away, LO has got to match his game 5 performance, D-Fish has got to hit his open jumpers, and the Lakers have to get the Nuggets in foul trouble (read: attack the basket).

Godspeed Laker Fans,

PS The Dodgers are 5 games better than anyone else in the MLB.....DIrt Nasty

Baja, Eh, Fresh Enough

2009-05-29T07:18:00.000-07:00

Baja Fresh has arrived in NYC. This is a good thing considering we have no Baja Buds here, no La Salsa, n0 Jack in the Box, and very few Taco Bells even. (OK, kidding on the last couple there, but only sorta.)

I stopped by the brand new Baja on 46 and Lex last night for a steak Burrito Mexicano + jack cheese + jalepeenyos. It was a decent enough meal. Far better than decent, even, if you consider Baja's cali/mex competition in NYC: Chipotle and Qdoba. Chipotle (CMG) is arguably the worst 'mexican' restaurant on the planet. Here's why:

1) Chipotle's chicken, pork and especially steak taste like windex.
2) Besides its pico de gallo, Chipotle's salsas taste like windex
3) Chipotle does not offer jalepeenyos
4) Adding guac to a burrito costs over $2
5) Chipotle's employees hate you
6) Millions of Americans think Chipotle is what Mexican food is all about

The one redeeming thing about Chipotle is that it's a great place to steal a bottle of Tabasco without feeling an ounce of guilt.

Qdoba is an abomination. If you ask for cheese in your burrito, the miserable 6 ft. Amazon behind the counter will dump a ladle-full of tart nacho cheese into your tortilla and then spend 3 minutes trying to figure out what your meal costs.

In light of the competition here, last night's dinner wasn't half bad. The steak seemed of a lower quality than usual, and the hot yellow peppers offered at the salsa bar weren't quite as hot as they should be (I ate 7, a sign of diminished freshness). But the fact remains: there IS a salsa bar at Baja Fresh. This alone raises the chain above its competition in NYC. Now it's only a matter of time before Baja Fresh comes downtown. I suggest right next to Chipotle on 8th and Mercer.

While You Were Watching Soccer

2009-05-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

While you were watching these guys (--->), I was eating Baja Fresh and watching the Dodgers' bullpen nearly blow another win for Kershaw. Big Baby Broxton needed 38 pitches to close the door and finish the sweep, but after a few walks, he got it done. James "Jar Jar Binks" Loney hit a key bases clearing double in the 7th, and Juan-for-5 went 3-for-5 with 2 RBIS.

But on to bigger things. The Lake Show finally played like, well, the Lake Show. I'm watching George Karl complain about the refs, but the fact of the matter is Lamar Odom stepped up, Sasha Fierce didn't play, and Shannon Brown is awesome. Without a doubt, the turning point in the game was SBs break away dunk over the nestling Birdman. It got the crowed into it, and fired up the rest of the squad. A couple minutes later LO regurgitated some kick ass all over our avian friend. It was great to see LO step up on the offensive and defensive end--he ended the game with 19 points and 14 rebounds. It's clear that Odom plays harder when he's gets off to a good start. When he's struggling on offense he begins to sulk, so here's to hoping that he hits his first couple shots on friday and we close out these pesky pyrites.

Casey Blake and the Los Angeles Sisters of Mercy

2009-05-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I've made it to Los Angeles. In fact, I made it in time to catch Vin Scully make one of his brief monologues in the middle of the Rockies/Dodgers broadcast. That guy makes me so happy.

I have nothing new to say about the Blue Crew except this: Casey Blake is the man. I'm sorry I haven't discussed him in an earlier post. I, like the rest of America, wasn't paying attention to him--he's not even among the top 5 three baggers in all star voting. Overshadowed by the newly acquired O-Hud, Manny taking birth control (or whatever), and Billingsly pitching like he's the best starter in the NL, Casey Blake has hit a quiet .308 (2nd on the Dogs) with a team high 8 home runs and 32 RBIs. All this AND he's got the grungiest beard in the NL West. Yet the only publicity he's gotten was due to that "mocking" gesture at the dude on the Giants. The fact is that he's been absolutely pivotal to our success, and he deserves some props outside the Chavez Ravine (where they gave out 20,000 CB bobble heads). So if you see CB around, be sure to buy him a beer and give him a pat on the back. Make sure he knows that we appreciate him.

As far as the Lakers, I'm going to be brief. I think the Big Guy put it best when he said "the lakers just aren't street tough". We veil this truth in thrown elbows and tough-guy looks, but the fact is we're very soft. Granted, Phil's championship teams have always been a little fluffy, with the exception being the Bulls squad with Dennis "The Worm" Rodman, but this laker team has played like entitled, whiney brats this playoff series. I'm hoping someone--I'm looking at you Sasha Fierce--steps up and fouls Jones real hard tonight. Show the Nuggets, and Kobe, that we're not gonna take that stuff. I'm not saying we have to be the Detroit Bad Boys, but we certainly can't be the Los Angeles Sisters of Mercy.

Still kinda sunburnt,

Doom Bizzle

Tacos in The Hamptons

2009-05-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

DUDES. I had these tacos at this place La Fondita in Amagansett, NY. They might be the best tacos I've ever put into my mouth while living in this state. Very authentic. Very delicioso. The menu offers both chorizo and lengua tacos, tho i opted for carne asada, pollo and carnitas. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the 'cos came topped with nothing but the meat, chopped onion and cilantro. The carne asada was grilled to perfection and the carnitas was tangy and sweet. They put a lot of love into the food at this place. I saw this one hombre in the kitchen padding down guac in a container for an unusually long time. I think he might have been insane. The insane you want your taco chefs to be. This place also makes its own hot sauce. Four varieties, in fact. I'm now friends with this place on Facebook. I'm not friends with Gosman's lobster shack.

VIVAAAA LOS LAKERS

2009-05-25T16:42:00.000-07:00

Just got into Vegas. All I can think about is a) how sleazy this place is and b) how much it reminds me of the city in "Total Recall". I have no idea how Greg Maddux, or anyone else for that matter, can stand to live here.

The big guy and I played 18 holes of crappy golf in St. George, Utah earlier today. Let's just say I shot around the temperature (read: around the century mark). I birdied the first hole and then my muscle memory kicked in and reminded me that I suck at golf. Afterwards we hopped in our cars and got some lunch at Roberto's Taco Shop--located in a booth at Fabulous Freddy's Car Wash. It was real delicious/cheap. I began to smile when I realized that the Taco Shop, along with the Liquor store, is probably the most recession-proof institution in America. I also thought of the name Djiboutian Revolution for an afro-funk band. But I digress....

I'm really looking forward to the game tonight--I think we have a good shot at stealing another one in Denver. If we do, it's over. I really like the way Luke Walton guarded Melo, and I hope we see them matched up a little more tonight. Maybe this is a stretch, but I'd also like to see Ariza guard C-Billups. D-Fish looks old and has been ineffective. If he's not hitting his shots, Phil's gotta sit him on the pine. Also, we've got to feed it into Pau early and often. There was a stretch in game 3 where we gave it to him every posession and good things happened just about every time--Ariza hit a couple threes, Kobe got some open looks, or Pau made the Bird man lay an egg.

On the Dodger front... I'm not too concerned about us losing the series to the Angels. I am concerned, however, about our inconsistent bullpen. With the exception of Broxton (who's sixth in wins and 3rd in saves in the NL...Takashi who?), our bullpen is pretty weak. I say we trade Xavier Paul or some other young outfielder for some fresh arms. As I'm writing we're spanking the Rockies 16-6 and the bullpen has held the score for two and a half innings, so maybe I'm overreacting.

That's about it. I'm going to put 20 bucks on the Seahawks winning the NFC and hit the blackjack tables.

Sunburnt,

Doom Bizzle

2009-05-23T15:17:00.001-07:00

I ran into Jeff Van Gundy at the Westin Hotel in Denver this morning. The dude was surprisingly built, and the bags under his eyes are as pronounced in real life as they are on the tube. I ordered an iced coffee and then asked him for some tickets to the game. He told me he didn't have any and walked away briskly. It was awesome.

I'm now in Grand Junction, still deep in Nugget territory. I've actually got a pretty good feeling about the game tonight. I'm hoping these young nug-jobs become overconfident--much like the Cavs in game 1 of their series--and we get off to a hot start and win by 12. In reality, I don't think Chauncey's gonna let that happen. I'm still convinced that Bynum and Farmar need more minutes, and that Sasha Fierce is a dud.

I could talk a bunch about Lebron's shot last night, or the Kobe/Lebron debate (which really isn't a debate at all) but I'm tired from the drive.

Ouch Charlie, That Really Hurt!!

2009-05-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

Tough loss for the Lake Show last night. For about a quarter and a half, our boys played nearly flawless basketball. They were feeding the post, rebounding, forcing turnovers and moving the ball. Then, for some inexplicable reason, Phil took out Kobe with about 5 or 6 minutes to go in the 2nd quarter. Up around a dozen at the time, with a chance to extend the lead and crack the trachea of the Nug-jobs, Kobe could be found on the bench, and a small, ineffective line-up was caught on their heels. Phil sat in his chair unfazed by the surging Nuggets, and by keeping Kobe on the bench, allowed the Nugs to get back in the game and go into halftime a confident bunch. The rest is history. The second half began with the Nuggets carrying all the momentum. The Lakers were on the defensive for most of the second half, constantly struggling to catch up and tie the game. Unfortunately, the Lakers' efforts fell short and they're going back to Denver tied up 1-1.

While I haven't given up hope on the series, winning is gonna be a challenge. As every sportswriter in the country has repeated over and over, Denver is a very tough place to win. However, record-wise, we are the best road team in the NBA and you can never dismiss a team's chances in any arena, or on any solar system, when they've got the Black Mamba. In my opinion, we need to cut Sasha (Fierce) V's minutes. The dude couldn't hit the bright side of J-Lo's butt with a basketball. We also need to play our big guys when the Nugget's go small. They're don't have the speed or quickness to run on us, even when we've got Bynum and Gasol on the court at the same time. Lastly, let Kobe go all 48. I guarantee he won't mind.

I'm here in Denver (boooooo) after driving through Kansas for about 300 hours. Denver has more breweries in their downtown area than any other city I've ever seen. Driving through Kansas I found a solid R&B station that played the likes of Silk and Keith Sweat. Needless to say, I felt pretty sexy listening to it. I also found a strictly new wave college station. I heard some groovy electro-jamz of which I can't remember the names.

Live long and party,

Doom Bizzle

Si querremos tacos, va a Colby, Kansas!!!

2009-05-21T17:33:00.000-07:00

Hola, Amigos! I'm sitting here in the Holliday Inn Express in lovely Colby, KS. I just got back from a delicious mexican dinner at Dos Oros restaurant. The place was pretty authentic with one small exception--it was in the conference room of the Quality Inn right down the road. I ordered three carne asada tacos and the big guy (my father Josh) ordered the beef tacos. We were both very impressed. Mine came with a side of pico de gallo, some spicy salsa, and some sort of bean soup with a bacon-like meat sprinkled on the top. Josh's tacos had lettuce and cheese with a side of rice and beans. DELICIOSO!!!!! The restaurant was very generous with the salsa and the beer. All around, twas an unexpectedly solid meal. We're now getting settled to watch the Lake Show try and go up 2-0 on the mighty, tatooed Nuggets. Let's go gettum.

Doom Bizzle....out

Kansas City likes to party!

2009-05-20T21:08:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the Royals/Indians game at Kaufman Stadium. Great game, decent stadium. The "K", as they call it, looks like it was designed in the 70s as a glimpse into what they thought future stadiums would look like--fountains that light up, a huge screen, a funky shape. As it turns out, the jumbotron looks like an enormous Burger King drive-through screen. The stadium also has a "Pepsi Party Porch" and a "Bud Light Party Deck". Clearly these dudes really like to party. The crowed was full of obese people, blonde children, and drunk college students. I ate a dog, a bratwurst, and a beer. Solid all around. Perhaps the best thing about the stadium was that they jad jalapenos at the codiment bar. I'd never seen this and I made good use of it.

Chad and Casey do America

2009-05-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

We all know about the Lakers big W last night, so I'll only say a few things. First, we really have got to stop relying on the 3 point shot. Second, all 5 Lakers have to crash the defensive boards, especially in the fourth quarter. Lastly, great win.

Now for "the other" LA team. We now know why Billingsley has such thick legs--he's been carrying the Dodgers pitching staff on his back all year. This dude is a meast (man beast). After struggling to get through the first 3 innings last night, he finally settled down and got the win. The dude is not getting nearly the recognition he deserves. He's been overshadowed, and rightfully so, by Zack Greinke of Kansas City. However, his numbers are pretty staggering. He leads the NL in wins, has 63 Ks in 61 innings, and is sporting a 2.51 ERA. We've watched him transform from a baby-faced, thick-bottomed, middle of the rotation guy, to a potential all-star starter. I would really, really love to see C.C. Sabathia and Thick Billingsley kick box.

There's no debate that the Doggies are the NL's best team thus far. They've won series' against Philly, Florida and NY in the past week, PWNing the NL East. At this point haters can stop attributing our fast start to a weak schedule-- we're very, very good. Tonight, DreamWeaver gets the call as the Dodgers go for a sweep of the mighty metropolitans.

On another note, Manny looks terrific for a man in his second trimester.

The REAL Reason We Won Last Night

2009-05-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

In the Lou and I'm proud

2009-05-19T19:37:00.001-07:00

Just got back from the Cardinals/Cubs game here in the Lou. Great Stadium, bad food. I had nachos, a dog, and a braut--all of which were mediocre. The fans wore red and all the women looked like they were trying out for "Rock of Love". Also, I saw way more people eating nachos than hot dogs (whooda thunkit?). My phone died in the 3rd inning and the Lakers had given up around 30 points in the first quarter. My heart dropped. However, I just got back to the hotel and it's 60-59 Nug-jobs. Let's gettur done Lakers.

Riding Chauncey

2009-05-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

I spent 2002-2006 in The Mitten getting an education/getting drunk/trying to get laid. If I wasn't busy writing this blog post I'd make a pie chart in Excel breaking down how I spent my time. The largest pieces of the pie would probably be Sleeping and Watching Animal Planet, one of the smallest would be Studying for BioChem, and somewhere in between would be a smallish but significant sliver called Watching Pistons Games. I was in Michigan surrounded by yet-to-be-devoted fans when Chauncey, an underperforming No. 3 pick, was signed in the summer of '02. I was there as the team came together, embarrassed the Lakers in '04 and established itself as one of the greatest units in NBA history.

And then Chauncey went to Denver. OK, Detroit's demise has more to do with the aging of Big Ben, Rasheed forgetting how good he could be, the starting five getting bored with eachother, and the rise of LeBron. But I'm pretty sure the Pistons could have competed with Cleveland this year if Joe Dumars didn't (wisely) swap him for A.I. Chauncey was the driving force of that very very good Detroit team (6 appearances in a row at the Conference Championships!). Everyone else got a bit of credit, and for good reason, but now it's obvious who made that team roll. And now he's doing it again, and this time with a team that's arguably more stacked than the Pistons ever were.

Danger. Denver is rolling. Melo is gonna put up a ton of points. Nene might prove his first two rounds and $10 mil salary aren't flukes. JR Smith's spark off the bench will be bright. Still, nothing presents more of a challenge to the Lakers than Chauncey's leadership. We had trouble matching up against lesser PG's. Now we have to buckle down against the second best PG in the game (Sorry Deron, you've been demoted). Billups is going to very quietly get 20 and 10. He's going to slash, stutter, and elevate over whoever LA puts on him to drain jumpers at the line. He's going to penetrate and dish to Kleiza and JR at the arc. He's going to slice razor passes into Nene and K-Mart on the low post. The most reliable point guard of the decade is going to get his, and he's going to give his teammates a great chance at getting theirs. We can only hope to find a strategy of keeping Mr. Big Shot from making any big shots. Or maybe we've just gotta put the Nuggets in a place where there's no such thing as a big shot... 10 points down with 2 minutes to go.

Tonight should be fun. NBA fans forget Chauncey over the course of the regular season and remember him when the post season rolls around. Prepare to get a lesson in how to ball. Hopefully tonight the Lakers will take his former lessons to heart.

DUM DUM DUM DUM

2009-05-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

Here we go ya'll. Game 1, Staples Center, Nugs vs the Flakeshow. This is about as much of a must-win for the Lakers as any other game in this series is gonna be. We CAN'T give up home court advantage to our pesty, corn-rowed friends from the Mile HIgh city. During these playoffs it's been nearly impossible to beat these dudes in their own place. The altitude, atmosphere, and unattractive crowed make it hard to win. This series is gonna come down to energy and rebounds. Both of these teams are offensive juggernauts and both struggle on the defensive end at times. Look for George Karl to stick the Birdman on Kobe early in the game. His intensity, length and athletic ability scare me. Hopefully Odom will stay off the benedrill and start playing with some energy so he can match up with the ugly faux-hawked Nugget.

I'm not sure whether the last series taught me that the Lakers are very, very vulnerable or that they actually CAN just turn it on and off like the championship teams earlier this decade. Let's hope it's the latter, cause if it's the former, we're in beeeeig trouble.

Dodgers: Catching Up

2009-05-18T12:24:00.001-07:00

It's been a week or two since we've devoted any words to the boys in blue. It's kinda like Doom and I are a ghey married couple - which isn't that far from the truth - and one of our adopted Philippino kids has made it to the semifinals of the world amateur jai-alai championship where we've joined him in Montevideo while the other has been stuck under the care of aunt Ruthie. We love you Dodgers, we just kinda love our other child a little more right now... well, as long as he keeps winning.

But let's check in. Dodgers, how are you? You won 2 out of 3 games against both the Phillies and the Marlins during your 6 game East Coast road trip. You're 5-5 since losing Manny (40 games to go). And you still have the best record in the bigs (26-13). We do still love you, Dodgers. And we love you no matter what you do.

Juan Pierre is straight up knocking oodles of booty in ManRam's place, hitting .465 during the last 10 games, scoring 11 runs and knocking in 9. You knew he was a marginal starter in the MLB, but no way was he worth the $10 million he's getting paid this year. For our own comfort, Dodgers fans, lets pretend the $7.7 mil we're saving on Manny is Pierre's bonus for holding down the fort while he's gone. That make sense? No? Whatever.

My good buddy Sean has been particularly impressed with Clayton Kershaw recently. On Sunday vs. the Marlins he threw 7 innings of 1-hit ball, striking out 9. Sean wrote this to me:

Mark my words, in 2 years, kershaw will be the best pitcher in baseball. his fastball hits mid 90's and his hook of a curve ball bends the laws of science. he is just starting to incorporate his change-up. when he masters the change-up, ala johan santana and pedro martinez, he will experience cy young worth success.

Sean goes on to write that the 21-year-old stud will definitely have his ups and downs in the coming seasons, and I wouldn't be too surprised to see one of those downs when he next gets on the mound Saturday vs. the Angels. Kershaw has yet to string together consecutive wins.

On the day of Manny's suspension, Ned Colletti was asked what most concerned him about the squad. "My concern on Thursday was the same as my concern was on Wednesday: pitching," he said. The Dodgers have given up an Oriole-esque 4.6 runs/game since Manny's departure (and scored 6.1). While our rotation isn't the worst in the bigs, there's no doubt it could use some help. That help might be on its way. Hideki Kuroda, who's making $12.4 mil this year, is about a week away from making his first rehab start since straining his oblique (see figure) five weeks ago. Jason Schmidt, who's making $15 mil and hasn't tossed in the majors since June 2007, threw 101 pitches against the Single-A Lake Elsinore Storm in a 7-3 win for the Inland Empire Sixers. He gave up 5 hits, striking out six and walking three. Sunnier times really are on the horizon for our rotation.

Drafting Old Dudes: The Safe Bet

2009-05-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

The Rockets have adopted an incredibly effective strategy for drafting and signing young players--they take players with significant experience at the college level. The young players who have been instrumental to their success in the series (Aaron Brooks, Carl Landry, Shane Battier (sorta young), and Chuck Hayes) all played 3 or more years of college ball. WIth the exception of Shane Battier, none of them were first round picks and yet all of them are playing like studs. I don't understand why NBA GMs shy away from the old dudes in the draft. Sure these draft picks aren't sexy, but they're way safer than drafting dudes like DeAndre Jordan based on potential. When was the last time one of these "project picks" panned out?

Take this draft for example. Courtney Lee, the young Magic stud from Western Kentucky, played 4 years of college, setting the school's all time scoring records and playing in 128 games. Before the draft, scouts sang his praise describing him as a "safe pick". Yet he was taken after such "project" picks as Anthony Randolph, Javale McGee, Alexis Ajinca, and Marreesse Speights. NBA big wigs need to learn from their mistakes, sure taking a chance on a young, athletic, baby faced prospect might pay off, but it probably won't. College is where these players learn how to play basketball. College coaches are teachers, NBA coaches are strategists. All this being said, I can garuntee that players like Darren Collison, Sam Young, Dejuan Blair and Ty Lawson are going to find permanent rolls on whichever teams draft them. And to players like Jrue Holliday, BJ Mullens, and Demar Derozen, let me suggest that they get their asses out of the draft and back into the classroom.

Boo Ya!

2009-05-13T18:29:00.000-07:00

The Lake show finally broke out of their little funk and opened a can of whoop ass on the Yao-less Rockets. We rebounded, attacked the basket and took advantage of our size--or their lack of size depending on how you look at it. The Lakers FINALLY picked up their defensive intensity, holding the Rockets to 32% from the field and winning the rebound battle by 7. Kudos Phil, for getting my message. I'm still not sure why Luke Walton is getting more minutes than Odom, Bynum or D-Fish, but the lakers were rotating on defense and moving the ball of offense. It's nice to see Farmar and J-Powell getting more minutes. Hopefully we can maintain our defensive intensity throughout the rest of the playoffs--we're definitely gonna need it against a much more offense-savvy Nuggets squad.

I'm currently eating some nachos and watching the Dogs drop a deuce on the Phillies. The Doggies are playing a really exciting brand of baseball--we're bunting, stealing and hit-and-running. I really dig O-Dog in the 3-hole, he can spread the ball all over the field and he gives us the fastest top of the line-up in the bigs. Furthermore and henceforth, I was wrong about Randy Wolf. I predicted he would struggle to hold onto his spot in the rotation, but the dude throws a lot of strikes and he's got 4 solid pitches.

Yours Truly,

DB

The Machine's Amazing

2009-05-13T14:17:00.001-07:00

I don't know who made this and I don't really care. Usually NBA humor is really just not funny - see the comics that show up on Ball Don't Lie every week or so. This video is an exception. Or maybe I'm just a sucker for Borat humor.

Shout out to Arik who got sloshed at Paris Hilton's Hollywood Hills palace last year, bumped into Sasha, and spoke to the prized Lakers reserve at length about how he should read some novel about Bosnia. Later that night Arik did a little droogling (drunk Googling) and discovered Sasha's from Slovenia. Don't worry, A-Rock, everyone gets a second chance. Maybe Sasha will come to the Knicks when his contract is up after 2011 and you'll run into him at Bua. Maybe not.

Corie Blount Gets Slammed On

2009-05-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Last December cops intercepted 11 lbs. of weed sent in the mail to Lakers legend Corie Blount. They waited at the post office for the 6'10" former superstar to pick up his prize and quickly arrested him. It is unclear if the dank contraband was zip-loc'd, wrapped in spools of Fabreeze sheets, stuffed into hair conditioner bottles, and cushioned by dirty gym wear. After taking Blount into custody, police searched the 11-year NBA vet's Cincinnati home and found 18 more lbs. of headbangin' boogie shit. They also found $30k in cash, and 3 firearms. Blount argued in court that the weed was for his own personal use, but Judge Craig Hedric didn't buy it. "Cheech and Chong would have had a hard time smoking that much," he said during Blount's hearing today. He slammed the legend with a one year sentence behind bars.

Blount has career averages of 3.6 PPG, 4.2 RPG, and .41 BPG in 644 games in the NBA. He helped the Lakers lose early in the playoffs every year during the celebrated Del Harris era, and in '99 he was waived after the team acquired J.R. Reid and Glen Rice. The next year the Lakers won the title.

Lakers vs. Rockets: Game 5 Preview

2009-05-12T11:09:00.001-07:00

I walked away from our overwhelming Game 3 victory thinking this series was over. I thought we might not win game 4, and who knows, maybe the series would go 7, but the Lakers were a lock. Then Yao went down, I cried a little inside, cried a little on the outside when I saw him sitting there at the end of the bench during the beginning of game 4, and I was sure the Lakers would do it in 5. Look at that depleted roster. You couldn't hit 100 points if you added that starting 5's career highs.

But then on Sunday it was proven again why I love basketball. This game really is about chemisty, motivation, history, personalities, and more than any other sport, synnergy. The Rockets on Sunday were more valuable on the court than the sum of their parts. There was a little bit of NBA Finals 2004 in the air. A team came together with a higher calling to destroy a super power, and we crumbled, ashamed of ourselves.

“We didn’t understand the type of energy Houston was going to come with,” Kobe said after Game 4. “We didn’t have that type of energy.” Will they find it tonight for Game 5? A better question might be whether the Rockets bring the same level of energy to Staples that they summoned on Sunday. Personally, I don't think it's possible. Neither does Vegas, which has put the line at Lakers -12. Yes, you read that right. The Lakers are the overwhelming favorite despite L.O.'s uncertain status following Sunday's flying hip flop onto the court. Phil and the trainers are calling it a bruised back, and I'd give the man a %50 chance of playing tonight. I'd give Kobe a %97 chance of playing like an MVP tonight. He was out-scored 23 to 15 by Shane "The Kobe Impeder" Battier on Sunday, and if you know Kobe, you know he's not going to let that happen again.

But who else is going to show up? Can we even play Bynum more than 9 minutes against a team that rocks a 6'6" starting Center? Probably not. But we will play Pau and play him hard. We sorta tried to do that on Sunday but very quickly abandoned our strategy once the Houston electrons started spinning us in circles. You better believe Pau will put up at least 20 points tonight, perhaps 40 if Lamar doesn't play. But hope he does. Especially if you put your money on the Lakers -12.

Really, Lakers?

2009-05-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else getting fed up with Phil Jackson's zen nonsense? I don't know about you, but watching him sit on his high chair (literally) emotionless and unconcerned is starting to piss me off. Through the first 4 games of this series he has been thoroughly outcoached by Rick Adelman-- a man who clearly has a little animosity towards the Lake Show left over from his days with the Kings. The Rockets are playing harder, executing better, and hustling more. While we can attribute some of the Lakers' lazy, uninspired play to the players themselves, at some point we have to point our fingers at the coach. It's the coaches job to motivate the players and to put people on the court who can execute. Clearly, Phil hasn't been doing his job. I'm sick of seeing Kobe shoot over two Rocket players after a timeout.

The Lakers look like an entitled group of softies who think the Western Conference title is going to be handed to them. They need to realize that their "soft" title doesn't come from their inability to fight or throw elbows, but from their inability to rebound or contest lay ups. Game 5 is make or break. Hopefully they'll get the message.

P.S. Dodgers are on national tv for the first time all year on Wednesday

Follow Derek Fisher's Twitter Throughout the game

2009-05-08T19:11:00.000-07:00

http://twitter.com/derekfisher

NBA Inspired Libations

2009-05-08T14:54:00.001-07:00

A couple NBA-inspired cocktails came to my attention today. The weekend is upon us, so no time to waste, time to get wasted, straight to the chaser...

Thanks to Sean "Big Ballz" Frieds for hooking me up with the recipe to The LeBomb James.

The ingredients:
- 1 Shot Crown Royal (cuz he's the King, duh [though he's not Canadian])
- Red Bull
- 3 packs of Splenda

Instructions:
Drop the Crown in the Red Bull, throw it down your throat, tear open the Splenda packs, dump the contents into one hand, smack your hands together and throw that shit into the air. (Unless you're in a Cleveland sports bar, girls will think you're a real douchenozzle after tossing artificial sweetener in the air. Practice the LeBomb with caution.)

Adam K at Vanity Fair introduced the world to The Black Mamba today, in honor of what's sure to be a big game out of Kobe tonight.

The ingredients:
- 1 oz. Beefeater gin infused with Early Grey tea
- 1 1/2 oz. Domaine de Canton ginger liqueur
- 1/2 oz. lemon juice

Instructions:
Combine, shake, serve over ice, drink. (In Adam's hasty attempt at convincing ~~Max B~~ us he's a man's man, he neglected to take note that the Black Mamba is so named for the pitch-blackness of its inner mouth. More like the Albino Black Mamba here. Ummm, maybe stick to Fashion Week?)

Lakers vs. Rockets: Game 3 Preview

2009-05-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

Lakerland is nervous. The team isn't what you thought it was 2 months ago, huh? Thankfully, Stu Jackson is of the same mind. Kobe prob would've gotten the game suspension he deserved under the rules had the Lakers gone into Houston with a 2-0 advantage. But the Lakers need him. The NBA needs Kobe. This is a business first, an entertainment medium second, and a fair competitive platform 141st.

So are we going to win tonight? Vegas thinks so. Lakers are -1.5 on Bookmaker. I'm not quite so sure. There are too many questions about this team, not enough answers. For the first time in a long time, Phil doesn't seem to have them. He's been mum on who's gonna take D-Fish's spot in the starting lineup. Does he know? Farmar's seniority and experience vs. former Pac-10 rival Aaron Brooks makes him the frontrunner, and you know how we feel on that issue here at this very pro-Farmar blog (btw dave, we need to change this blog's name). Do the Lakers stand a chance against this team if he doesn't step up? Do we stand a chance against the Nuggets without him? No. I don't think there's a better candidate to match up with Houston's littles, and to provide that spark off the bench we'll need to combat a barrage of points from J.R. Smith. With Lamar in the starting lineup, Sasha looking nothing like The Machine, and.... shit our bench is weak! Farmar needs to play hot tonight, and work up some confidence in himself and in Phil for the next few weeks.

Besides the PG situation, the key to tonight's game will be limiting Yao's effectiveness. That means putting him in foul trouble. That means taking it to the rim. But who's going to get into the paint? You've probably heard all about how Kobe just isn't the slasher he used to be. Via Bill Simmons' game 1 diary:

Kobe has attempted a total of 44 FTs in six playoff games (7.2 per game). Last spring, he attempted 194 FTs in 22 playoff games (8.8 per game). For the regular season, his FT attempts dropped from 10.2 (2005-06) to 10.0 ('06-07) to 9.0 ('07-08) to 6.9 ('08-09). So, no, Kobe doesn't go to the hole as much. Let the record show MJ averaged 10.6 FTA in the '98 playoffs and Wade averaged 10.9 FTA in the '06 playoffs. I'm just sayin'.

It's Lamar time. We've heard so much about how Lamar is the man when it comes to creating mismatches, but where is it this series? I haven't seen it. LO is a combined 6-15 in the first two games here. WTF is up with that? Who's been guarding him? Scola? Landry? Whatever. The point is his effectiveness has been severely limited by the mere presence of Yao. We can't win on jump shots. No team can. It's time to take it to the rim.

NOOOOOOOOOO...Ok, Wait

2009-05-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

This sucks. This really, really, really, really sucks. Manny has let down an entire city and tons of little kids who were in the process of growing out their dreadlocks.

The first thing that came to my mind after hearing the news was, "how is this shit show better for baseball than having the more lenient/limited drug testing that they had in the '90s". The MLB's strict testing, while giving some distorted sort of moral credibility to the league, is destroying its product and ostracizing its most charismatic and talent players--A-Rod, Bonds, Clemens, and Manny. Can you imagine if baseball fans had never found out about any of these players' steroid usage? The league would be in the best shape economically, and in terms of its popularity, ever. These test are merely speed bumps, if a player wants to juice, he's going to. What they need to do is make adjustments to the cars--make stadiums bigger-- or change the speed limit so that these players go unpunished and the league can watch the money come pouring in. Also, is anyone else surprised by how out of the blue this news is? It makes me think that there was a serious investigation for a substantial amout of time. If this is the case, the MLB needs to stop the witch hunt and move the f@#$ on. We know everyone is on steroids!

As far as what this means for the Dodgers.... Juan Pierre is popping champagne and running around naked. He will finally get his chance to be the everyday left fielder for the Dodgers. This isn't so bad. Let's not forget that he has batted over .300 four times in his career and was the spark plug for the 2003 Marlins (who won the World Series). We now have three players in our lineup who can steal 50-60 bases in a year. We also are going to bring up Xavier Paul, a kid with a lot of power who could've been in the majors a long time ago. So what does this mean? Torre needs to re-evaluate our style of play. I'm convinced you'll see the Doggies execute more hit and runs, be more agressive on the base paths, and bunt a helluva lot more. It's also important to note that we still play in the NL West--the worst division in baseball. I'm very confident that, come July 3rd, the Dogs will still be sitting on top of the NL West.

Lastly, Fat Colletti needs to take advantage of this, shitty, situation. We need to extend Manbone's contract while he's suspended. Rather than wait for him to come back and start right where he left off, we need to tack on a couple cheap years. Trust me, Dodger fans are going to embrace him when he gets back, and he's way too aloof to let this ordeal get to his head. Tack on 2 years for 11 million. By taking a paycut Manny might save face a little, and the Dodgers keep their money and production machine for a couple more years.

Depressed,

Doom Bizzle

WE WANT TACOS

2009-05-06T13:07:00.000-07:00

Seriously, if we can't hold Ron Ron, Yao and the Rockets' ~~pupu~~ taquito platter under 100, we're in trouble.